False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 21

"Here Is Another Word That Rhymes With Shame"

July 15, 1991

Tacoma, WA

"You're kidding right?" Shelli took long strides in hope of keeping up with me, "He bought you two a house? A fucking house?"

It has been almost three days since mine and Dave's return to the gloomy state we now call home. Our week away having come to an end much faster than either of us expected.

My hands clutch the bundle of flowers in them tighter as we continue to make our way through the small cemetery. "Yes, a fucking house Shelli! Like where you plan to spend time together, raise families and all that shit."

"Are you upset about that?" Her tone was impassive, waiting for my feelings to surface before throwing in her personal opinion on the matter. "The two of you have been together long enough and you always talk about how much you miss the east coast..."

Was I happy about it? I can't deny that I love the idea of Dave and I having a little get away. The week gave the two of us a chance to build our relationship back without any distractions, but a house? It is entirely too much. Money doesn't grow on trees and with the band being located in Washington, getting a place here is imperative.

"We need to focus on moving out of Kurt's apartment before Courtney smothers me in my sleep," I mutter, "The woman hates my guts and there's this aggressiveness about her that makes me wonder if she'd be okay with murder."

I knew the shorter girl next to me also has a distaste toward Kurt's newest love interest. Whenever the blonde woman comes around, she does everything she can to try to get on Shelli's good side, but I knew my saw right through her fake persona.

"Hopefully this phase won't last very long..." The two of us couldn't help but worry about Kurt, his relationship with Love reminding us too much of the late Sid and Nancy.

"I keep hearing rumors," The two of us share a look before I continue, "About her supplying Kurt with medication to get high. He wouldn't be that stupid right?"

I didn't know about Kurt's history with drug abuse back in Aberdeen. "Krist and I have done our best to take care of him, but in the end it's Kurt's choice if he wants to put those things in his body. The easier the access, the more compelled he'll be to do it." Shelli voiced her concern and I couldn't help but wonder what the two were up to at this very moment.

My throat went dry as we came to a stop in front of a muddy walkway that had been created by foot traffic over the years. Her hand reached out to give mine a light squeeze as my thoughts shift away from the blond front man. "I will be right here if you need me Rose..."

"Thanks," My voice cracking slightly as I take my first step forward, "I'll be back in a minute."

With the flowers still hand I took slow staggering steps toward the simple headstone. Glancing back at Shelli, who seemed lost in her own thoughts, before kneeling down.

Everything I ever wanted for Dave and I, every hope and dream for our future together, was lying six feet underground; a piece of my soul buried with her. I silently drop the bundle of white marigold's on top of the headstone before running my fingers over the recently engraved name and date. Choking back sobs as my hand stops on her birthday.

"God I'm so sorry baby." I didn't care that my jeans were getting soaked from the sodden ground beneath them. Focusing my full attention on the words I needed to get out. "You didn't even get to meet you father... He would have spoiled you rotten."

Since the day we buried her, I have avoided visiting because of the mental toll I knew it would take on me. "Your daddy is planning to come visit you soon too. We just wanted to do it separately."