False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 59

"Gather In The Ashes, Scatter As They Blow Away"

Present

Toronto, ON

My elbows are propped against my granite countertop as I watch my three friends arguing about how 'Bridge Burning' could possibly be written about me. Amy looks as if she is about to pull out a white board and give a whole lecture on specific lyrics as Casey and Jack bicker, causing me to roll my eyes and turn around to face Frances.

The dirty blonde-haired girl had jumped up on the countertop, eyeing my friends from over my head as a kettle slowly heats up on the stove next to her. "They're absolutely ridiculous."

"Tell me about it..." The two of us fall silent for a moment and I take that as a sign to step forward and pat her thigh. She's worried about me, and that is the last thing I want to come from all of this. Both of us have seen first-hand what being in the limelight can do to a person, and I know deep down she's worried she's going to lose me to my inner demons like her other parents. "I'm okay Bean."

She takes her bottom lip between her teeth and diverts her blue eyes to the white tile floor. "We don't know that Rose. Neither of us know what is really going to come from this sudden splurge of fame." When she finally looks up, I can see just how glossy her eyes had become, "Both of us know you don't do well with attention and I don't see this going away after time."

"Frannie," I sigh and wipe a stray tear from the girls face, "I'm not going anywhere. I... I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

The kettles ear piercing whistle halts our conversation momentarily as Frances jumps off the counter to grab two mugs, and I slide the metal pot off the burner to cool. "When did you make that promise to my dad?" She slides the two mugs holding tea bags toward me and I can't help but smile at our little routine. It's something that we've unconsciously developed over the years.

"The first time I picked you up from the airport." I move her tea bag around before sliding the mug in front of her, "I got this weird feeling that he was watching us; encouraging me to keep going, so I made a silent promise that day." My arm unconsciously wraps around the shorter girls' shoulders as I pull her into my side. "I promised him, and now I'm going to make you the same promise... I've got you. No matter what happens, I'm not leaving you Frances."

She sniffles a bit, wiping away a few stray tears before hiding her face into my chest.

This girl has been dealt one of the shittiest hands I've ever seen. Her father committed suicide and her mother can't stay off drugs long enough to properly raise her. She's had no choice but to grow thick skin due to media abuse over the years, and I've been here through all of it.

My lips press to the top of her head as I tighten my grip around her, "I love you Bean... Let it out, I've got you."

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April 5, 1997

Syracuse, NY

The speakers in Casey's off campus house sound like they're about to explode as 'Angels of The Silences' screams through them. Our weekly party was going full force as I watch the crowd from my spot behind the kitchen bar, downing what I think is my eighth shot.

My vision is shit by now, everything in the room appearing blurry, and in no way can I read the bottles of liquor in front of me anymore. Solely relying on my hands to feel for, what I hoped, was the correct bottle.

This isn't my party style, usually I'd be found in the middle of the action, but today is not a day for celebrating. April 5th is quite possibly the worst day of my life, and I'm pretty sure I can feel Kurt's piercing stare from the great beyond as I pour myself another shot.