False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 31

"Wish I Would've Felt I'd Won For Once"

December 23, 1991

Olympia, WA

Kurt's small apartment seemed even more crowded now that boxes were spread throughout the living room. Dave and I had arrived back in Seattle two days ago, having celebrated Christmas with his mom and sister early so we would have enough time to pack and move.

Shelli and Krist had been kind enough to go apartment hunting for us, discovering a small one bedroom a couple blocks away that would suit Dave and I when we're in town.

From the start, the drummer and I agreed that there is no use in getting something large. We already have a house and our time in Seattle is usually limited to short tour breaks and band practice.

"We're going to start taking these boxes down," Dave says while motioning between he and Krist. "You and Shelli can do the last sweep to make sure we aren't forgetting anything."

I nod, glancing back at my best friend who was in the process of chugging down a bottle of water. "I'll go grab our toiletries if you want to check over the bedroom one last time?"

"Sure thing," She smiles before sitting the empty bottle on the chipped countertop. "Hopefully Kurt hasn't barricaded the door shut."

Her comment was meant to be taken as a joke, but I couldn't help but feel my excitement dissipate after hearing it. As soon as Dave and I walked in the door, my long-haired boyfriend couldn't help but boast about the newly signed lease to his bandmate. Obviously excited to take another step forward in our relationship, but the look of devastation that appeared on Kurt's face frightened me.

The blond front man's efforts to convince us to stay were rejected; Dave claiming that he is grateful for his housing over the last year, but it was time for us to go. Throughout their discussion, I stayed silent.

It seemed to me that Kurt was afraid of being left alone in the apartment, which is weird because he'd spent the last week and a half alone while Dave and I were in North Carolina. His panicked eyes and jittery hands put me on edge though, and now that he's been locked in his room all day, I am scared of what I'd discover across the threshold.

Before I knock, I go over what I plan to say to him in my head. Focusing solely on the fact that we need to be separated before we make any more rash decisions.

The large 'Keep Out' sign on the door made me hesitate, knuckles hovering above the wood as I scan over the small doodles that had obviously been added by the singer. I couldn't help but frown knowing that after today, I would never enter another house where deformed baby dolls decorate the living room or scrap paper littered the floors covered in Kurt's artwork. There would no longer be a reason for my presence in Kurt's living space.

"Kurt?" My voice was low as my fingers rap against the door, "Can I come in?" I bite my lip after receiving no response from the blond, moving to knock again just as the door swings open.

Every fiber of my being froze as a shirtless Kurt stood rubbing his tired eyes with his knuckle, "Are you guys done packing already?" He yawned after the words came out, looking better than he did yesterday.

"I just need to get our things from the bathroom." I brush past him, my head hanging low as I move forward to complete my mission. The last thing I need right now is to get distracted by the singer. "I'll be out of your hair in a second."

I swiftly step over a few composition notebooks, not wanting to damage the work or offend Kurt in any way while in his personal space. "Rose, I don't want you guys to go... You don't have to leave because of what happened." When I don't respond, he speaks up again. "You're ignoring me."