False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 65

"I Love This Leash That Holds Me When I Try To Run Away"

July 9, 1997

On The Road

If it weren't for the fact that the bus was moving all night, there's no doubt in my mind that I would've made a run for it, even if I would've been left stranded in an unknown city. Being that physically close to Dave again fucked up my hormones more than I'd like to admit, causing my mind to move a mile a minute as I stare at the roof my bunk.

He was right above me, probably hugging a pillow to his chest as soft snores escape his mouth with every breathe, the complete opposite of my anxiety ridden state. While Dave was catching up on his much-needed slumber, I couldn't keep my mind from replaying our earlier interaction over and over again. It was like my head wanted me to suffer.

Silently, I toss the comfortable sheets off my legs and make my way into the kitchen, doing everything in my power to keep from making excessive noise. The guys have another show tonight and the last thing they need is their singer's ex fiancé waking them up at an ungodly hour because he decided to fuck with her emotions before bed.

I quickly pull a water bottle out of the fridge, downing half of the cool liquid before the door even shuts in hopes that it would calm my nerves. Even now, three hours later, I can still feel the outlines of the brunette's hands burning my skin, begging for more. That wasn't going to happen though.

"Rosemary?" Nates exhausted voice startles me, almost causing the bottle to slip out of my hand and hit the floor as I spin around on my heel to face him. The confused red head stares at me with wide eyes, using the knuckle of his pointer finger to rub away his exhaustion in hopes of seeing more clearly. "What are you doing awake?"

Even though I had a perfectly valid answer to his question, I couldn't bring myself to spread my internal conflict. I'm not with Nirvana anymore, Nate isn't Kurt or Krist and the last thing I want to do is cause problems within yet another band. "I just needed some water. It's kinda stuffy back there."

"You're lying," He sighs, "But I'm not going push you to tell me things since we hardly know each other, but if something is bothering you, you can always talk to me."

Nodding, I take a large swig from the bottle, pursing my lips as I slide into the booth style kitchen table. There's no way I'm going to be able to get any sleep in the bunk underneath my floppy haired ex, so sitting out here until we stop in DC is the best bet.

Make a run for it and put all of this shit behind me...

"You know..." Nate speaks up again, sliding in across from me. "Personally, I think Dave is a dumb ass for leaving you."

This causes me to chuckle and shake my head, "Nate, it was kind of a mutual thing. We were horrible to one another in the last year of our relationship."

"Eh, mutual or not, I wouldn't have let you go." He shrugs, leaning forward on his elbows as I stare out the window at the dark scenery passing by. "There's too much history there to just let it go 'poof' and disappear forever."

I rise an eyebrow, "What, has he told all of you our life story?" In all honesty, he wouldn't surprise me if he did. We were a large part of each other's lives and it's inevitable that a song or two about me appeared in the possible track listings for 'The Colour and the Shape'.

"Not the whole story," Nate attempts to ease some of the tension, "But he gets drunk and talks about you a lot. Pulls out his phone to call you only to have Taylor slap it away; he doesn't want Dave to hurt you again."

My nervous habit of biting my lower lip doesn't go unnoticed as I unconsciously tap my fingers on the small tabletop. "I can't believe the guy still talks to me after what I did. Honestly, I can't believe I'm here after what he did..."