False Starts || Dave Grohl

Chapter 41

"Trouble To The Right And Left, Whose Side You're On?"

Toronto, ON

Present

I flip the page of yet another photo album, sighing at the few photographs I still remember. Over the years, memories of my years with Nirvana and Dave have slowly slipped my mind, becoming impossible to bring back.

These photos are all I really have left and even now, staring at them intently, I can't remember exactly where we were or what we were doing when they were taken.

My finger lightly brushes over an aged photograph where Kurt had his arm around my shoulders, Shelli was to my left laughing along with Krist, and Dave stood excitedly next to Kurt, a stupid grin on his face as he held baby Frances in his arms. The group displays an outward look of happiness and love for one another, but my blue locks and Dave's short hair tells me that we were anything but happy and loving.

Kurt was shutting all of us out, Krist and Shelli were a wreck trying to help him, and Dave and I couldn't seem to stay on the same page. None of us realized how soon we'd actually be losing our friend, and as a result a part of ourselves as well.

"Rose?" My attention snaps up from the book as the usually vacant side of my king-sized bed dips down. "You've been in here for a while." Amy drops a hand on top of mine that currently has a death grip on the book, "I know there are things you don't want to tell us, but I hope you know I'm always here when those monsters in your head try to come get you, okay? I love you and I really don't want you to keep going if this is hurting you mentally."

It is currently two in the morning, making me wonder why she is also awake. "Ams, I need to get this out. Maybe not to the whole world, but to someone other than Shelli. She lived through it all with me, so she already knows a majority of what happened... It hurts talking about it but speaking up has helped more than keeping it in over the years."

"Well at any point if you need a breather let me know," Her hand slides up my arm, "Because the last thing I want is for you to not be okay when we leave. Yes, Frances is coming, but she doesn't deserve to be the one putting you back together if we are the reason you're broken up."

It wouldn't be the first time Frances has helped me through a mental breakdown. I mean, when I found out that Dave and Jordyn got married, I was a complete mess. It hurt to see their wedding photos on the cover of a magazine because I had first-hand experience of the look he was giving her, one of adoration and love.

He had officially moved on, and I was still stuck in the past.

---

Nags Head, NC

June 14, 1992

Dave's arm is wrapped securely around my waist, securing my body against his as soft snores escape past his lips. I can feel his shallow breathing against the back of my neck as I stare blankly at the alarm clock across from our bed; the red light flashing 3:48am.

In a few hours, I will be driving Dave to the airport so he can fly back to Seattle alone. Nirvana will be reunited for the first time since their disastrous studio stint in April, and Shelli and I will be seeing one another face to face for the first time in months.

Apologies have still yet to be exchanged on every front, making me anxious to see how this reunion will go.

Kurt is stubborn, but deep down, we all know he cares.

The last thing he wants is the band to break up, no matter how much Dave and Krist may piss him off sometimes, but he will never verbally admit to having a problem either. This conflict occurred because we all care too much for the singer; we want what's best for him, but I'm starting to believe he doesn't care half as much about his well-being as we do.