We Were There

Chapter 58: Wasn't

The sirens were deafening. Everyone was in slow motion as they walked past me. I could only hear my breathing. My existence in the flesh. And everything was so surreal and unreal at the same time. I couldn't believe it. More like, I didn't want to believe it. 

Alfred was gone. 

I sat up from the couch as I saw two investigators carrying a stretcher. And on it, was his body in a black body bag. They exited the door in full slow motion and my heart started to race. Yhan was crying, held back by two men as she reached for her beloved. Kim was comforting her from behind, feeling helpless by it all. Mac was inside his car with his arms on the steering wheel. His eyes, staring into nothing. Everything was in slow motion. I bent my head down and placed my hands together, pressing them onto my forehead as tears ran down my cheeks. 

Ever since the night he went missing, he had hung himself in our sleep. Nobody could suspect a closet. Of all places, a closet. I felt so stupid for not checking every corners of the house. But what made me feel so guilty, was the fact that Yhan was blaming herself the most. She was being hard on herself. She kept thinking to the fact that if she had just woken up to the sounds that Alfred was making when it happened, she would have done something to stop him. My heart was heavy. I couldn't breathe properly.

All we could do now was regret. 

We lost a good friend. Yhan lost her forever. 

I had had enough of this. 

That jerk. Why would he kill himself? Was he depressed about something? Because of his selfish act, Yhan blamed herself for something that she might have done. Why would he choose to leave us? And why a closet?

I shut my eyes close, tears still falling from my eyes. I held back a sob. Where did we go wrong?

***

Yhan was sitting on the bed, staring into nothingness. She had no reason to live anymore. Her fiance' was gone and now, she couldn't see life the way it was before. I was standing at the door, looking at my friend's depression; tears still falling from her eyes. 

I took a step towards her. I wanted her to know that she still has us. Her friends. 

" I know him well." she muttered. I stopped. 

" I know him too well." She continued. She shook her head and bent her head down. " He had no reason to kill himself." she paused. " It... " she looked at me with decisive eyes. Her eyes red from all her crying. And I probably knew what she was about to say. And I thought so too. 

" ... it wasn't him."