In Your Arms

Chap. 59: One Day

(*WARNING: some of this content may not be suitable for some readers. Chris saves Katie from making the biggest mistake of her life. I just want you to know that I love all of my reads and YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHY OF LOVE!!!! Nobody is perfect but there is someone out there that will one day make us feel beautiful and worthy. Be safe 😔*)
*Katie's POV*

Mama came up to me after the attack I had at the gathering. She saw my wounds on my wrist from Aunt Paula, asking me where I got those from. I partially told her the truth, because I can barely lie to my Mama. I told her that Aunt Paula came over and spit on my face because I have shamed this family. Brought on so much dishonor. Right then I knew I had stirred up a fight, so I made Chris take me back to the hotel to take a nap. Papa say at the end of the driveway near the trash cans with tears in his eyes. We didn't speak to him but I watched him cry as we drove off in the cab.
Chris kisses my cheek as I sit on the edge of the bed in my autumn orange underwear that he laid out for me. He and I had napped all afternoon but I am still exhausted. I want to roll over and just quit breathing. Maybe then my pain would cease.
"I'm going to go get some ice, okay?" Chris says softly, walking out of the hotel room.
My feet move quicker than my mind. One minute I am on the edge of the bed, staring into the abyss, and then I'm hunched over a toilet throwing up bile. I tremble and my head violently shakes at the culver taste. Nasty. I unsteadily stand to my feet and make it over to the sink. I splash water onto my face, hoping to wake me up. When I look into the mirror, a stranger is staring back at me. She stands there in her matching set of autumn orange shade of lacy underwear, MY underwear, that is one of Chris's favorites. I look at her untucked tummy, her thighs that touch, the way her arms slightly jiggle when she raises them...she's so ugly. How could she ever be a billionaire's wife? Or even a trophy wife? Tears splash down my eyes, a sob escaping my lips. I wipe my eyes weakly. They were right, I am not worthy to be Chris's wife. He's fit, handsome, and rich—something I don't deserve.
Aunt Carmen's words echo through my mind. Why don't you just cut it off and save yourself the trouble of embarrassment? Huh? My mind races and my heart aches. I do want to be perfect for Chris's lifestyle. For his mother to like me better. For the world to be satisfied. But how can I possibly do that? Why don't you just cut it off and save yourself the trouble of embarrassment? Huh? I rush to the drawer beside the left side of the bed, frantically searching for something—I slowly pick up the scissors and hold them at we level. They were next to a Holy Bible. Something in the pit of my heart tells me that it's wrong, but I'm already in front of the mirror.   
         My hands violently shake as my heart pounds. I'll have to be quick before Chris gets back, I tell myself mentally, it'll only hurt a second. I sniff. What is beauty without pain? I slowly look down to my untucked stomach, my hands shaking ever so violently as they grab the fat. My hands tremble as I open the—
            A strong pair of hands grabs the blades and closes the scissors. I jump and scream at the sudden shock. I watch as the scissors are thrown across the room. My heart racing, I dodge for them. Desperate to get to them so I can finish this—I scream and kick as I am thrown over a strong pair of shoulders by grasping hands. I beat and claw at my napper's back, trying to fight my way out of this.
           "OUCH!" I scream as my body is slammed agains the bed.
           Chris pins my arms and legs down, hurting my wrist wounds that Aunt Paula caused earlier. I cry out in pain as I struggle to fight Chris. He out-strengths and outweighs me easily.
               "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" I scream at him, "I HAVE TO DO IT! I HAVE TO LOOK MY PART!"
              Chris violently shakes me, his strong hands on my biceps now. My hands hold onto his tight t-shirt. I can feel his pounding heart in his chest. Chris's hand grabs my face and jerks me where I have to look at him—I tremble under him, seeing a terrifying sight above me. As we stare deeply in each other's eyes, his eyes scream louder than his mouth ever could. I can hear his rage and anger roaring not near as loud as his fear and broken heart. It makes me feel two inches small.
         Tears escape my eyes, my body going weak. A innocent lamb cannot fight a mighty lion, who overpowers her by over-half. I cannot fight Chris anymore. Suddenly, I can feel his full weight weigh down on me.
           "Baby—" Chris's voice cracks, causing a tear to escape the corner of his eye "W-W-Why?"
           I lay my head back, sobbing. I wish he would wipe my tears or at least let me. Chris grips my biceps harder, pain shooting up my arms.
            "W-W-What hav-have I du-done?" Chris's voice drops to barely a whisper, "What have I done to make you want to hurt me?"
Loudly I cry, sobs roaring up and out of my chest. Chris slowly wipes my tears gently, only causing me more tears to come flooding back.
"Is it your Aunt? Do you feel guilty?" Chris's deep voice is squeaky, light. "Why would you want to harm my beautiful wife?"
"I—" my chest rapidly rises and falls, my voice doing the same "I'm not good enough to be your wife."
"SHUT THAT F**KING SH*T UP! SHUT IT UP NOW!" Chris violently shakes me, angry now.
"It's...true." I cry, "I'm not fit to be your wife."
"And why tHE HELL NOT?" Chris spits his words in my face, "TALK TO ME!"
My face scrunches up at Chris's hot breath in my face. My heart is breaking and my hands are shaking even harder than before. I don't want to tell Chris the truth. I want to shelter him and my true intentions and causes. But what is a relationship if there is no trust and is full of lies?
"I'm n-not skinny enough." I force parts of the truth out, my eyes tightly shut. "I'm not worthy enough to be yours! If I can just get rid of this disgusting, nasty mess, then I can be beautiful enough! Then your mother and sister will like me and I can show my relatives up and make them eat their words! PLEASE, let me make myself beautiful for you."
You know when they say the truth will set you free? Well, this weighs on me heavier. I spoke my truth, my heart, my feelings...but I suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I could vomit. Chris stares down at me in disbelief, his eyes staring down at me confused. I want him to say something. Scream, shout, scowl—ANYTHING! I just need to hear his voice.
Suddenly, Chris crawls down my body and plants his lips on my bare stomach. He holds my hips as he slowly kisses my stomach and belly fat. This disgusts me, making me feel insecure and embarrassed for the sight he has to see.
"Stop." I weakly try to pry him off, "Please, stop!"
Chris looks up at me, tears in his beautiful blue eyes. He narrows his eyes at me softly, his hands moving from my waist to my stomach.
"Never, EVER hurt the place where my children's home will be one day." Chris's voice breaks, leaving me speechless.
My heart shatters, my mind shutting down what little functioning it has. I hadn't thought of that before. Chris buries his face into my untucked stomach, giving that part of my body kisses. Tears fall down my cheeks as I hold onto his shoulders. Chris wraps his strong, muscular arms around my thighs with visible cellulite peaking out between my inner thighs.
"This is going to be my baby's home." Chris sniffs, rubbing my stomach softly. "How dare you call it disgusting or nasty! Its beautiful like my future wife..."
"No, I'm not—" I start to argue.
Chris violently shakes my body, pain surging through my lower back. "Don't talk down on what I have! It's mine and you have no right to take away what I have worked so hard for! It's beautiful, Katie. Nobody's opinion matters! Not your family or mine or my friends or anyone else! Only you, me, and our future together. Don't take away what's mine! It's the cruelest thing you could ever do to me. Don't destroy what is supposed to be my baby's home one day, or hurt my sweetheart. I could never forgive you. Don't do it. Just don't."

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The entire night, Chris slept with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and his head on my stomach. I barely got any sleep, considering I can't sleep on my back. My neck and spine hurt from not being able to lay on my side or stomach. I tried to wake Chris to let him know I can't sleep like this but he just held onto me tighter. Burying his face into my stomach fat, occasionally kissing it tenderly.
Early in the morning, when Chris woke up, he finally let me go. I had painfully laid over on my side with tired, bloodshot eyes. I would have fallen asleep too, if it hadn't been for Chris. He started kissing my shoulders and laid me back down onto my back, causing me to shake in pain. He kissed me and slipped my panties off, giving me attention I didn't feel like getting. But I couldn't fight him. Not even when Chris stripped too and had crawled inside my body. He held me captive with his kiss and made love to me for the second time without anything safe between to protect us. The first being the shower proposal.
Chris made it feel as if it would never end. It was slow and raw, rough and hot, painfully miserable but right. And when it did end, I knew Chris had forgiven me for my actions last night. But his warning still rings through my tired mind like a mantra, a new fear filling me at what I could lose. I could never forgive you. Don't do it. Just don't.