VI - Exulansis

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n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.

* * *

The night seemed much longer being here in this world. Even though it had been hours already since the sky darkened, based on my perception, I can't wait to see the sun another time. A new day will mean that I will have another day to understand everything going on in this world; and finally find a mango and be out of this world.

It had been quiet around camp. Of course, it had been the dead of nights. Everyone is asleep, and those who are awake are those who've been assigned to roam the camp in hopes not to find an enemy lurking in the shadows. And the lone consultation I have for the darkness is the fireplace that had been left lit.

Soledad had given me a blanket to use against the cold. It helped, but not enough to assure me that everything is alright.

"Wala ka talagang kaalam-alam, ano? Na sa panahon ng digmaan, walang panahon para magluksa."

Goyo's words echo inside my head. Almost non-stop. As some sort of reminder that I am completely out of this world.

I was wrong to say that wars are filled with children fighting a battle waged by the older men. It is the war decided by the older men that stole childhood from its soldiers.

I draw the blanket around me much closer and watch the fire dance on its own.

"(Y/N)."

I almost jump upon hearing the voice. I turn to the direction of the voice, seeing Isidro standing in the darkness, just close to me. He is not alone though; he is accompanied by that young man named Melencio and Adeodato. I almost ask them where are the others, especially Goyo.

"Bakit hindi ka pa nagpapahinga, (Y/N)?" Isidro asks me, a worried frown appearing on his face.

I sense both Melencio and Adeodato sharing a look at each other. Perhaps they are surprised to find their friend having such concern for a person as me. Neither from them knew that this is all a game, and I am the player here. And Isidro is the one assigned to welcome me and act as my guide in all of this.

I will need to remind myself with that fact every now and then. That my stay here is temporary. The very moment I find a mango and make it back to my world, I will cease playing this game and return it to the shop. Whatever happens after that, if I will be convicted of stealing the game when I originally only do so by accident... Nevermind, I'll deal with it the moment I am back to my time.

I draw my blanket much closer around me and stare back to the fire. Biting my lower lip for a second, I sigh heavily and say, "Hindi ako makatulog."

"Hmm..." Isidro hums lightly, thinking. After a second, he inquires, "Maari ba kaming maupo sa tabi mo? Hindi naman tabing-tabi... sapat para may makausap ka."

I look back at him. "Hindi niyo ba kailangan mag-patrolya?"

He shakes his head. "Kakatapos lang namin. Oras na para magpalit. Kumpara sa akin, siguradong inaantok na rin yung dalawa. Masyadong mahaba ang mga nakaraang araw." He turns to the two before nodding. "Mauna na kayo. Panigurado ay hindi mapakali sila Julian na wala kayo doon. Susunod ako."

"Sigurado ka ba?" asks Adeodato, smirking a little. "Baka mawili ka at hindi ka na—"

"Totoy," Isidro immediately interrupts him as he looks intently.

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