Complicated | Calum Hood (Sequel to Unexpected)

6.

Calum

For the first time in six months the world makes sense. Jes hadn't left me because she didn't love me, she'd left in an effort to protect Paisley and I. That made sense in my brain, that was pain I could manage.

The first thing I did was contact my manager and our legal team. Evidently a restraining order wasn't going to be enough to stop him and our lawyers were the best. I didn't give a fuck what it took, or how much it cost, I was determined to keep my family safe.

"So...um, how long are you home for?" Jes asks in her nervous voice as she joins me in the kitchen after I've finished my talks with the lawyers.

I smile as I turn to look at her. She's draped against the door frame, her arms folded across her chest like she's trying to protect herself from something.

She moves closer to me, entering the kitchen where I stand pouring a bowl of cereal for Paisley who's eagerly awaiting her breakfast in her high chair.

"A year." I say watching her closely to observe her reaction. She sucks in a breath and turns so she's looking at me.

"Are you serious?" Her voice is full of hope and I nod quickly to confirm she's heard me right.

"Yeah." I reach up to scratch the base of my neck with one hand and hand Pais her food with the other. "We're going to be recording another new album and then prepping for tour, but apart from a few random trips for fan events and writing sessions that you and PK can go on, we'll be here. Michael and Crystal want to start a family as soon as possible, Luke and Sierra want to enjoy their newlywed period and us, well I didn't know what would happen with us but, being near you seemed like a good idea when I agreed to it. Seems like an even better one now." I dip my head down so my lips can meet hers.

"We've never had this much time together."

"I know." I say my tone coming out significantly more excited than hers. Was she mad? "Are you not happy about that?"

"No, I am. I totally am. Just, what if we have too much time together. We're so used to missing one another, what if when we have all this time we start to, I don't know, not like each other."

"Jes, you're overthinking this. We're going to be together, we're going to figure our shit out, we're not going to have to say 'see ya later' for a long, long time. This is a good thing."

"Sorry" She says sheepishly, "you know I overthink everything."

"No, reason to be sorry for something you can't help babe."

The pet name rolls off the tip of my tongue so easily. Her eyebrows raise when she hears it but she says nothing just sliding into her space in my arms. I rest my chin on the top of her head as I hold her to me.

"I don't deserve you."

"Stop Jes. If anyone's undeserving it's me. I've made more than my fair share of  mistakes and you still are here, trying to protect me, and willing to fix us."

"I'm the one who broke us." She says quietly.

"Jes, no. It's so much more complicated than that. It doesn't even matter now. We're here, we're together. You, me, and our baby girl, we'll figure everything out. All that matters is that we've got each other."

I cup her face in my hands and press a kiss to her forehead.

•

Jes

I don't have the heart to tell Calum everything. To tell him I'd been held in my own house at gunpoint for hours. That Mark's intentions in breaking into our house were far more heinous than he was imagining. He doesn't know what my nightmares hold.

I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to block out the memory. I don't like to think about it. I don't feel validated in my fears since he was unsuccessful, my saving grace that self-defense class I'd taken with Sierra a few months back. The what-if's drive me crazy. What if I hadn't known how to get him off of me? What if I hadn't been able to overpower him? What if Paisley had been home? What if I hadn't been able to protect her? In my nightmares those scenarios come to life. They always seem so real, so possible. Until Mark is caught and thrown in jail, I guess they kind of are.

At that particular moment Duke starts going crazy in the living room. I break from Cal's protective embrace and move swiftly towards the barking dog. Is someone outside? Is Paisley okay? My mind races with questions until I feel my breathing quicken.

I finally reach the room and take in my surroundings. He's barking at a bird in the back yard. An enormous weight lifts from my chest and I double over placing my hands on my knees and trying to take deep calming breaths.

I feel Calum move to stand behind me and his hand on my back. He squats down and turns me so I'm staring into his eyes. Their deep brown color can't hide his concern. I'm scaring him and I can't help it. He runs his hands through my hair and I switch positions so I'm sitting on the floor. I move my gaze to his chest and watch it rise and fall, trying to copy it with my own. Everything else in my vision is black all I can see is the gentle breaths I'm trying to replicate.

When I finally have ended my hyperventilation I place my arms behind me for support and lean back. I close my eyes and try to get myself together. I hate that I'm like this. That every little thing has always set me off. Now I have big things to worry about, big, scary, terrifying things and they cause me to implode .

"Where's Pais?" I hear myself say though I don't seem to have control of my speech.

"She's in her crib, taking a nap. Do you want to go check on her?" Calum asks, his tone completely devoid of judgement. He gets it. He knows what it's like to panic, to have your mind so corrupted it jumps to the worst case scenario without permission. To live in constant fear of irrational things. I remember he's asked a question only now, I shake my head yes and he helps me to my feet.

My head spins as I stand, still recovering from my anxiety attack. He steadies me and places my hands on his arm to help me regain my balance. Always my support system when I allow him to be.

We walk slowly to the nursery only because my body refuses to let me move any faster than a snails pace. I freeze in the doorway when we finally make it, overcome by relief to see my sleeping daughter undisturbed in her bed.

I move towards her and take her in my arms. She stirs in her sleep but quickly situates herself and drifts off. I carry her to the master bedroom and sit on the bed, arranging her in my arms so I can hold her. I'm lucky she's still such a cuddle bug, she never turns down an opportunity to be held. I clutch her to me and it helps the tension in my body release. Her position in my arms allows my brain to process she's alright, that I can keep her safe, that nothing bad can happen to us.

Calum sits behind me and massages the tops of my shoulders slightly until they begin to relax. He presses soft kisses to them then, not saying anything and allowing me time to just process my emotions. I've never had someone to understand, to know exactly what I need from them the way Calum always seems to. I'd forgotten how nice it was to not be alone for these.

When I finally can speak and move like a functioning human being again. I look to Calum.

"So, what now?"

It's a loaded question. What do we do about Mark now? What do we do about our living situation now? What do we do about our daughter now? What do we do about our relationship now?

What now?

An: yay for Calsie, boo for anxiety attacks.

Ily
Sav 🖤