Complicated | Calum Hood (Sequel to Unexpected)

27.

Calum

"Jes...Jes, fuck. Babe, stop." I say gripping her forearm and softly pushing her away so my eyes can meet hers. She stops kissing me but her eyes reveal a look of hurt.

"You—you don't want to?" She asks, her voice shaking.

"It's not that baby, you know I want to, it's just—this past week has been a lot. We just got you cleared by the doctor today and I don't know that we've processed everything. We certainly haven't healed. Are you sure you're really ready to start trying again?"

"Calum, you want another baby. I want another baby. This is how we get another baby, I don't know what the problem is." I hear the anger begin to find it's way into her words.

"Take a breath I'm not trying to start a fight or anything." I say rubbing her arm trying to diffuse the situation. "I just want to make sure we're doing what's best for you. Right now I think that's taking things slow. I don't think you're ready for this. I don't think we are ready for this." I say as gently as I can.

"Damn, Calum. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you made all my decisions. Stupid me to think I should be the one deciding when I'm ready."

My stomach sinks at her words. I didn't mean to upset her. I just didn't want to rush into anything. She'd literally had a miscarriage two weeks ago. I didn't think taking a little time to get ourselves together before diving back into trying was such an awful idea. Apparently Jes thought otherwise.

"Just sleep on the couch. I can't even look at you right now."

"But—" I start to argue but decide against it. She's clearly upset and anything I say right now will only make it worse.

I want to say that I'm part of this too. We are supposed to be a team. And even if she may be ready, I know I am not.

I hold my tongue. I know her. I know she deals with things in her own way. I know she's confused and broken right now, even if she can't admit it to herself. I don't want her to rush into another pregnancy, or worse struggle again to get pregnant and let her sink herself further into unhappiness. I'm only trying to look out for her but right now she had me feeling like a dick. I just couldn't bear to see her go through this again anytime soon.

I grab a pillow and blanket from the bed and trudge out to the living room dropping the items before slipping to the nursery and taking P from her crib. At least one of my girls could cuddle with me tonight.

Pais doesn't wake as I carry her to the living room. I get comfortable and hold her to my chest. The smell of her baby shampoo and sound of her soft snores helping distract me from my argument with Jes and slip off to sleep.

•

I'm woken up by the sound of clanging pots and pans in the kitchen. Paisley stretches, sighs, and snuggles closer to my chest. I pick her up, careful not to disturb her sleep. I move off the couch before carrying her to her crib and tucking her in. I bend over her crib railing and kiss her cheek turning then and heading towards the kitchen and my wife.

"Hey." I say, nervously. Not sure what her mood will be like this morning.

"Hi." She says placing her hands on the counter behind her and resting against it, facing me.

The silence spreads for several moments, each of us unsure of what to say.

"Um, I'm sorry about last night." She says shooting her gaze to the floor.