After Her. Jjk & Kth ✓

24. "I shouldn't forget!"

Aufilea pov 

The last thing I remember before leaving my parents house was the look on my mum's face. Besides her looking broken or even ashamed, she looked guilty. I didn't expect this coming. I didn't at all. The thought of them, my whole family, keeping such a big secret from me. I deserved to know the truth, but they kept it away.

I swallow down the rest of the pill with water feeling nothing but misery for myself. As I lay on my couch of my house I ponder on what I'll do next. What happened tonight, surely took me by surprise. I could sit here and dread myself in asking questions, but I know it won't do me any good. The people who have the answers to my question are the ones I ran away from. A part of me understands why they lied but still.. I shake my head picking up another pill in the little tablet and lay it on my tongue, swallowing it with the water.

I slouch on the couch finding a better position for my spine. If I knew that I'd sleep in my new house tonight, I would've made a mental note to bring all my pillows and a warmer blanket. Everything in this house is still so new and empty, like a hotel. But it's better then to live with my parents who lied to me. Even though it's hard to sleep in this unfamiliar space and sleeping pills I took- I still have to settle down.

I can't even pretend that I'm feeling fine. Just thinking of my mother being helpless as she was raped or thinking about the expressionless and immoral coward who forced himself on her.

I can see myself coming into the world- with no idea at all of what happened to my mother or what she has been through. Being so naive and smiling while she was hurt. Thinking that the man who I grew up with is my dad and that he'd care, while in reality he felt pity and had no other option because he loved my mum. I was a package deal, if he didn't love me then my mum wouldn't love him.

I ended up growing in lies because they said they love me but that love is a lie, because my whole family smiles and laughs with me yet they didn't want me to know. In fact everyone played along in that lie, my parents, grandparents, uncle and Pastor, who apparently is allegedly my father. Rapist.

I can understand why in some parts they lied but other parts I can't. But then again in those some parts the whole truth had to come out. It's not easy telling someone that you've been raped- I totally understand why my mum wouldn't tell me that. I, too wouldn't want to see her or even think of her being weak. I've never once thought that she was weak. All that courageous energy in her and her boost to speak no matter what- I can't imagine that same voice and energy fighting, crying, pleading and begging to not be touched. I don't even want to have that as a memory. But she had a sister.

She could've told me that. My mum had a sibling, my mum was a second born. It may not change the fact that her sister is dead but it's comforting to know that my mum was never alone, that everything she learnt from her sister she passed to me as well. Her sister had a child and that child was Taehyung's. It would've been nice to know that I had a cousin or that my uncle is alive. It wouldn't do any difference but at least I would know. And then there's the other thing.

It's one thing having a mother who you can talk to and relate to but it's another thing to have a father figure. Someone you can look up to and just want to impress and please. Someone that I just needed in my life. Everything I've learnt from him, from Jungkook, I've never taken for granted. Not only do I respect but I also love him more than anything in this word.

So that's why it hurts the most. I've been learning things from someone who just forged his way in and pretended to care so that I could not feel what I'm feeling today. My heart aches so badly just because of that. In fact, the only thing I'm mad about is he not being my dad. It's something he can't fix but it's a feeling. He has his own children now and it hurts so very badly that I can't be a part of those blood children. His blood. My blood is mixed with force. Not that I hate Pastor Suga but... It doesn't make sense. Did he rape my mum as a Pastor? If so then why is he still preaching? How did all of this happen.

I remember from the early ages of my life that I had a tight bound with him, till today I knew that he was an amazing Pastor who wanted nothing but the best out of me so that my soul wouldn't be heavy but after hearing everything I've heard.. it's impossible that the rapist and Pastor are all one person. It doesn't make sense that I could be a child of his monster side. Allegedly this makes me a Pastors kid... This is all too confusing {even for the author}

It hurts. To be loved and not to be loved. It could all be in my head and that maybe I'm exaggerating but I can't help what I'm feeling. My grandparents who I cherish lied to me. My mum lied for more than one thing. My dad- Jungkook, isn't really my dad but instead he's a step dad. My real dad... father... Should I consider him as a dad or even father? I mean..he just raped my mum, it's not like he loves her or whatever. It's not like he loves me that way.

I hear the birds chirping and frown. I scramble on the bed looking for my phone. I squint when the brightness is too much before looking at the time. It's 5 am.

Did I sleep? No. Do I feel like sleeping? No. Am I tired? Yes. I sigh and get up, getting ready for work. Yes, I now work there. The Instructor mentioned that there were new movies coming out and that they needed leads and by-standers and many more extra's. However I'm curious about Director V's film. I only read a piece of it, by accident and I was immediately hooked. It was beautiful. I took a picture, because it was intriguing.

__________

Mitsuha? Hey Mitsuha?
[Taki looks around confused. There's no one on the mountains with him. He was alone. She just disappeared.
He looks down at his hand, she was about to write her name, so that he would never forget her name, and so that they would always remember each other. But the only thing on his palm was a line.]
I want to tell you.
Wherever you are in the world. I'll search for you.
Your name is Mitsuha.
It's OK. I remember.
[He closes his eyes with a smile on his face. Yet a sweat gland goes down his face as he feels his memory fading]
Mitsuha. Mitsuha. Mitsuha. Your name is Mitsuha.
[He gets excited.]
Your name is...
[He quickly bends down picking up the pen. So that he wouldn't forget this time. But before he could write on his other hand. The memory faded. Her face slowly lost all features. The sound of her voice dying away as he panted rapidly trying to keep to those thoughts. But they go away completely. Leaving him in a confused state. Why had he come here? Where was he? How did he get here? Wait- a girl! No! What was it?!]
Who are you?
Why did I come here?
Wait yes! I came here to see her.
To save her. I wanted her to be alive. I won't forget.
[He slowly stands trying to keep what he was saying. But every word that came in his head was removed again and he couldn't remember]
Who was it? Who?
Who did I come to see?
Someone dear to me. I don't want to forget.
I shouldn't forget!
[He holds his head crying. He had forgotten]
Who? Who? Who? Who?
What's your name?!
[He breaks down]

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That's all I took. I couldn't get onto the other pages because that's when he came in the room. I would love to be in that movie. It seemed it was an animation though. Either way I would love to voice it out. I get up from my bed and I head to the bathroom.

I stop in my tracks realising something. That even though I left, I l literally left everything behind. Including my towel and necessities. The house only had furniture and a bed, nothing else but it was really beautiful. I really needed to fill it up. But that was a stress for another day. I guess I could go to work in these clothes.. I look down, they still look decent. I frown and suddenly remembered that today is Saturday.

I have no work on the weekend...well until further notice. I guess it's back to bed and pondering over the fact that I'm a mistake child. Not literally but literally. Actually... I could go and fetch my stuff from the house..

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Chapter 24 
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