dreaming |fillie au|

|forty|

|forty|
chipped nail polish
8 days later : saturday

Millie's POV

"Finn, don't do this. You know what happened to your dad when there was a drunk driver."

"Maybe I want to die."

"You don't mean that."

"You don't know me as well as you think you do."

"Finn, please."

"Finn, please," he mocked me, rolling his eyes.

Another party. Another wake up call. It's been an emotional roller coaster. Some moments, Finn is happy and sweet and all over me. Some days, he wants nothing to do with me.

I'm getting exhausted and sleep deprived, worrying over Finn and being called every weekend after midnight to take care of him.

Jaeden texted me that he was trying to drive home on his own and was in no condition to do so.

Luckily, he stole his keys which resulted in a lazy smack across the cheek from Finn.

With some convincing, Finn finally agreed to get in my car. His heavy arm was slung over my shoulder, suffocating me.

"I haven't hung out with Lilia in a while, have you?" Jaeden stopped me and was rocking back and forth on his feet.

"Sorry, no. I've been kind of wrapped up with Finn lately. I'll tell her to call you."

"Can you tell-"

"He's obsessed with her." Finn whispered into my hair in a drunken stupor. My hair blew with his breath which smelled strongly of liquor and made my nose scrunch.

"Sorry, Jaeden. I have to go."

The nights are only getting colder. The cold fall air slapped my face so ruthlessly that I almost lost my balance and my hold on Finn. He was heavy enough and not supporting any of his weight on his own.

"Go faster." Finn slurred from the passenger seat.

"I'm going over 50. The sign says 45." I gestured to the speed limit that zoomed past us.

"That's just a suggestion."

"It's the law."

"Hey!" I jumped from my seat at his sudden outburst but he continued, "How am I going to get my car?"

"We can go get it tomorrow when you are alive enough to drive."

"I'm alive." He pointed to his face as he smiled with all his teeth and had his eyes closed.

"Ughhh go through the red light. There aren't any cars coming."

"Finn, no." I laughed to myself at his mindless thoughts. "You can't do that."

He laughed wildly beside me. An unpredictable beast which stalks his caged prey, any burst of energy, good or bad is enough to terrify you.

"Come on, Finnie boy." I clapped on my thighs. "What do I have to do to get you in your room? Want a treat like a dog?"

"Depends. Are you my treat?" He threw his arms around me and pulled me into his sweaty body.

"Shhh. You have to be quiet if you don't want your pare- mom to hear you."

"I don't care. You're so beautiful."

"Go lay in your bed."

"Are you joining me?"

When Finn is tipsy, he gets cute and shy but when he is full on drunk, he's overconfident and bold. In this case, it scares me.

"Maybe another time." I whispered while taking his shoes off. He began taking his pants off and I had the strange instinct to turn around. Instead, I chose to distract myself by fluffing the pillows and tugging the sheets back for him.

He stripped his shirt and crawled in and I covered him in the sheets like a little boy.

His hands were draped over his bare stomach. The black nail polish was chipped and dirty but they only covered one hand because I didn't finish painting them last weekend.

He pulled my face down to his before I could blink. His kiss was open and messy but too quick for me to respond.

"What did he get himself into this time?" I heard a mellow voice behind me but still jumped backwards.

"Mom? Why did you tell my mom?" He looked angry at me.

"I didn't. You were being so loud, I would be surprised if your neighbors didn't hear."

"Baby, I'm not mad. Just get some sleep. We can talk in the morning." Mary smiled.

She waved me out the door and shut the door softly behind her. Then, and only then, did I notice the purpling bags under her eyes. The calamity of Eric's death would probably always haunt his family and it broke my heart to look into her sad eyes.

"So you know what's been going on with him?" I started the conversation as if everything in her body worked on a delayed system.

"I can tell when Finn sneaks out. Is that what you mean?" I nodded because I didn't want to bring up the drug and alcohol abuse.

"I've tried talking to him but it's like he doesn't listen. Like he forgets I'm his mother," she shook her head and tears dropped as she did, "Like he forgets that there are people in the world that care about him."

"Do you know that he's missed a few days of school?" I was hesitant to ask.

Her shoulders dropped even more. She looked defeated and drained but not exactly surprised.

"No. He's never liked school but at least he showed up. He doesn't put in the effort that I would prefer him to but he's a smart boy. This is so unlike him." Her tears fell some more and I understood then that it wasn't just the weight of Eric's absence. The effect on the whole family was putting all the weight on Mary's shoulders.

"I know. I miss the shy, sweet, little Finn that I-"

Fell in love with.

"Me too, Millie. Ask him the last time he spoke to Nick or Maci."

"How long?"

"I thought it was just me he was ignoring but it turns out he's been keeping his distance from everyone."

"When will he get better?"

"I wish I knew. Anyway," she roughly wiped her tear stained cheeks, "Enough crying. Thank you for looking out for my Finn. You have done more than enough for our family." Her dry and wrinkly hands embraced mine.

I wished I could transfer some of my strength and power into her weak soul. Although I didn't have much strength inside of me to spare.

•••

I'm sorry for such a short chapter. Hope you still enjoyed it! Also, we made it to chapter 40! That's crazy!! Love youuu❤️