Wherever You're Going

Chapter 44 - Going Forward

Back at Logan's apartment, I sat down on the sofa. Trying to get my head out of the fog, I said to Logan that I needed to call the office, but I couldn't get up the energy.

Logan came up to me and sat down. He handed me a cup saying, "here sweetie drink this tea." Sitting down beside me, he rubbed my back. Looking up at him, a single tear rolled down my cheek. He gently wiped it away.

"Logan, you're being so incredibly sweet. I, however, need to buck up and get back into my work, our wedding plans and our life."

"Ace, you have plenty of time to do all that. I'll be here the rest of today. Give work a call and tell them you'll be taking a couple days. Come on baby, you need to do this."

I picked up my phone and talked to Mr. Cox and told him I needed a couple of personal days. He assured me that would be fine. He told me that I should put on my calendar a final trip to London for the article that would be coming out soon.

After finishing my tea, I told Logan I was going to lie down. In bed I laid there thinking of the baby. I had been so freaked out when I thought I was pregnant--scared about being a parent. Now that I wasn't pregnant, I knew now how much I did want it. Logan seemed like he really wanted it too. I felt so sad that this pregnancy was not going to end in us having a baby.

Meanwhile,  Logan was very worried about Rory. He contemplated whether he should call Lorelai. He decided he would wait and see how Rory was doing in a couple of days.

Rory had finally fallen asleep and about two hours later she woke up smelling something delicious. Coming out of the bedroom she walked into the kitchen where Logan was unloading Chinese containers from the delivery bags.

"Hey, Ace. Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah, a little. You ordered Chinese," I said as I walked up to him putting my arms around his waist.

"Knowing your Gilmore DNA I knew you'd probably want food."

He hugged me close. I whispered, "thank you, Logan."

"No thanks is needed, sweetie. Now, would you like a drink or glass of wine?"

"I'll just have some water right now. Maybe later I'll have some coffee."

Before we went to bed I took my prescribed medicine. I could tell Logan was watching me closely. As we laid down together in the bed, he held me in a spooning position with his arms embracing me tightly.

I was trying not to lose it again. Thinking about what was coming the next day was making it difficult to do that. A single tear escaped,but I was able to keep any more at bay.

Logan called me several times the next day checking on me. By the time he came in the apartment that night, the slight cramping had started.

"Hey, baby. You okay?," he asked giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, I'm okay for now and I'll be okay soon, Logan. How was your day?"

"Long, Ace, long."

"I love that you're so concerned, but you need to stop worrying so much. I'm going to be fine. I think I may be able to go into the office by Friday. It's important I get back into my routine."

"I love you, Rory. As your future husband, it's my job to worry about your well being. It's what I can do to help you through this. Are you going to call your mom? I think you should talk to her or one of your friends. A woman's perspective would probably help you."

"Okay, I'll consider all your advice. When the weekend is over, I'll talk to my mom or a friend, if it will make you happy."

"Alright, then. I just want to see that sparkle back in those beautiful blue eyes of yours."

Just then I had a tiny pain. He could see my slight wince and immediately looked alarmed. 

Come on, baby. Why don't you lie down."

We went into the bedroom and he picked up a throw to lay over me.Pushing my hair away from my face, he asked, "can I get you anything ?"

"Not right this minute. It's just that it's starting and it might be just a little more painful than a regular period. I can handle this,Logan. Now, would you go see if we have some soup. I think that's all I want for dinner."

"Sure, Ace. I'm on it."

By Saturday afternoon, I was not feeling any more pain. Logan and I were relaxing on the sofa in a movie marathon. He had been right by my side whenever we were together. As one of our movies ended Logan asked, "Ace, have you talked to your mom or a friend?"

"Well, I didn't tell you but I called Paris earlier in the week."

"Damn, Ace, Paris? She's not one I see having much compassion."

"I know, but Paris is a doctor. She's gives it to you straight even if she does it with a hard edge."

"What did she have to say?"

"She asked me in great detail how the doctor did with the ultrasound. What questions he asked me, what he told me after, and the prescription he gave me. She, also, told me that she had the same kind of miscarriage after her first child."

"Really? Wow." 

"Yeah, I was kind of amazed. Paris said that this is more common than is known. She told me that I was not alone and it would help if more women knew that this happens in about 10-15% of pregnancies. Of course, Paris with her stiff manor told me to pull up my big girl pants and I would get through it. On another note, she did tell me to very careful not to get into a state of depression. Also, she said I would be fine and that there was no reason at all that I couldn't have a full term pregnancy."

"Oh, Ace, I know you'll be okay. I hope Paris wasn't too hard on you. It's important that you remember you're not alone. We will get through this together and there will be children in our future. I know it as well as I know that I love you with all my heart."

"I know it too. It will take time, babe. I hugged him tight and gave him a sweet kiss. You are the love of my life and there's nothing I want more than for us to have children. Logan, I think I want to write an article about miscarriage. Maybe it will help other women to cope."

"I think that's a great idea, sweetie. Now, don't you think it's a good idea for you to talk to your mom."

"Yeah, I was thinking I would go to Stars Hollow tomorrow. What about you coming with me?"

"I think it might be best if you go by yourself. It might be good for me to get together with Finn and Colin. I need some down time, too,baby."

"You've done so much for me Logan. You go out with the guys and just have a good time. There's not much time left for you to be a totally free man."

"I don't give a damn about being a single man. I can't wait to marry you. Now come here and give me a kiss."

We laid down face to face on the sofa. Our kissing became deeper and we were doing some heavy breathing. Looking into each other's eyes we knew we had to stop because we couldn't go any further.