Me. // Lashton

one

'Luke?'

'Luke?'

'Luke!', Ashton yelled now, knocking at the door.

'I know you are listening.. Please unlock the door', he begged and to his surprise, he heard the key being turned only seconds later.

'Hey..', Ashton mumbled as he walked in and carefully closed the door behind him while facing his friend.
Luke's hair was put in a messy bun and he was dressed in a white over sized shirt with only black briefs underneath.

'Hey', Luke replied and sat down on the bed, bringing his left knee up to his chest and resting his chin on top. His eyes were focused on something outside the window, which was the only light source in the room right now.

'How are you feeling?'

'Empty', Luke answered truthfully, his blue eyes finally looking at Ashton. Their ususal ocean blue colour now appeared dull and lifeless, the joy they normally held was gone.

'You should talk to her.'

'I can't. I just can't tell her it was a boy, that it was you Ash', Luke said, tears already on the edge of spilling again.

'If you want her back, you have to. I'm sure she is waiting for you to make a move. It's been a month since you two talked', Ashton pointed out, scooting closer to his friend and putting an arm around his shoulders. He ignored the slight tingling that a simple touch still caused and concentrated on Luke's problem instead.

'I know, but she'll hate me, us.'

'If she really loves you, she won't hate you. And if you love her and want her back, then you should talk to her as soon as possible.'
With that, Ashton left the room again, telling Luke that he was leaving for a few hours.

Luke was left alone again, thoughts running wild and confusion building up. He felt horrible for breaking her heart. Sierra had everything he could possibly want. She was beautiful, smart, funny, caring, understanding and just simply perfect, but maybe she wasn't perfect for Luke. Maybe she was perfect for someone else, someone who could make her happy, give her the love and attention she truly deserved and maybe Luke just wasn't this someone.
Hell, he didn't even know if he still loved her. Was it worth fighting for her? What was he fighting for?

With a groan, Luke stood up and walked downstairs, rubbing his sore back on the way. He felt like an old man and he was sure that his lack of physical activity was to blame.
His first way lead right into the kitchen where he got an ibuprofen and a glass of water. He swallowed the pill and drank the water, before going into the bathroom and getting his sport clothes out.
He quickly put them on and made a new bun, before he walked out of the bathroom and put his shoes on.

The last time he had seen Sierra was a week after he had admitted that he'd cheated on her. She had allowed him to get a few things from the house, especially since they didn't knew where they would end up.
Since then, Luke had tried to avoid everything that had to do with her.

Minutes later, he found himself in the middle of the woods, running down a path as he let the fresh air clear his head. He tried to rather focus on his breathing than on his messy life, but of course that failed.
As his thoughts drifted off to Sierra, he felt the urge to cry again, but all the tears had been spilled and there were none left.
His thoughts were running wild and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure out what to do.
It had never seemed harder to actually know what he wanted, because usually he wanted what other people told him was the right thing to want.
But what did he want?

Ashton's words that he had spoken, when Luke desperately had tried to find out who he truly was came back to his mind.

'Having long hair doesn't necessarily make you a girl as long as you don't want it to', Ashton had said and so Luke had grown his hair out.

'Gel nails or nailpolish make male hands look pretty too', Ashton had said and so Luke had gotten his nails done.

'Make-up can be manly too', Ashton had said and so Luke had started wearing glittery eyeshadow.

'You can wear what you want. Everything makes you look stunning', Ashton had said and so Luke had worn everything he liked.

'The fans will accept and love you no matter what', Ashton had said and so Luke had accepted and loved himself no matter what.

Maybe Ashton had another helpful advice on his mess of his so called feelings. Maybe Ashton could figure out what Luke's heart wanted to tell him. Maybe Ashton understood what Luke's heart truly wanted.