Me. // Lashton

eighteen

'Well, I think it does matter', Ashton said. He felt how tense Luke was in his arms and he wasn't really surprised.

'It's not.. relevant anymore.'

'It obviously has been relevant an hour ago.'
Luke sighed heavily. He regretted starting to talk about the topic in the first place. He should've known that Ashton would want to talk about it, once Luke brings it up.

'Lu please, I just want to talk. You said yourseld that you'd wish it was different between us', Ashton tried again. He felt Luke putt his hands over Ashton's and the action made the drummer smile sadly.

'I was about to apologise when the waitress interrupted us', Luke started, visibly uncomfortable with talking about it, 'I wanted to apologise for not feeling the same about you.'

'What do you mean?'
Ashton furrowed his eyebrows.

'You.. you liked me first, right?'

'Well, yeah. But we've talked about that already', Ashton answered confused.

'Yeah, but that's not the point. You liked me and we had this.. this thing. It would've probably turned out different if I'd remembered, but I didn't.' Luke stopped talking, taking a second to catch his breath after rambling down his thoughts so quickly. His heart was racing and he was almost sure that Ashton could hear it.

'You fell..', Luke started to talk again, but stopped, not knowing how to put it correctly.

'Out of love?', Ashton asked, wondering if this was what Luke was trying to say.

'Yeah, pretty much and I started to catch feeling, I just didn't notice.' The blonde's voice became desperate and strained, his eyes glassy and his thoughts were a mess.

'I was so caught up with myself, that I didn't even realize that you had liked me and when I did and realized that the feelings were mutual.. it was too late', Luke explained, his voice getting shakier with every word that rolled off of his tongue. It seemed so weird to talk about it. Speaking about his feelings made them feel realistic and that made it hurt even more.

'Luke?', Ashton asked, 'You said that you remember..?'
The blonde nodded slightly, the blush on his cheeks only getting darker with every word they said.

'What exactly do you remember?'
Ashton's arms around Luke's waist gave the blonde the needed support and he felt safe, even though he felt at least as vulnerable.

'The nights.. I was drunk most of the time.'

'You were, yeah', Ashton mumbled, his lips touching the pale skin of Luke's shoulder, making the guitarist shudder slightly.

'I don't.. I don't regret it', Luke added and but his lip. Ashton's lips were still on his skin, brushing it softly, before he placed a kiss on it.

'I don't regret it either. You know how I felt about you.'

'And you know how I feel about you now.' The situation might have been awkward, but it was necessary for the two boys to finally talk about it.

'I do', Ashton replied, closing his eyes. He felt every inch of Luke's body toching his and he hated how much he still loved it.
Luke stayed quiet and hoped for Ashton to keep the conversation going somehow.

'Why did you want to, you know, sleep with me when you were drunk?', Ashton asked after a while of puzzling the new information together with what he already knew. Even though it wasn't much, it changed a lot.

'I'd guess that drunk me thought it could do whatever it wants since sober me doesn't remember anything? I don't know, it doesn't really make sense to me either', Luke answered with a shrug. The frustration was visible in Luke's face. His lips were formed into a pout, he frowned and his eyes were fixated on their tangled legs in the water. Ashton's face didn't look less confused.

'Did any of this ever cross your mind before all of this happened?'

'No, what about you?'

'Well, I loved you first, so.. maybe. Not like this though.'
Luke nodded and turned slightly in Ashton's arm to look at the boy.

'This is ridiculous', he mumbled and Ashton nodded in agreement.

'Everything was fine until we decided to make it complicated', Luke continued and again, Ashton agreed.
The blonde sat down next to him, but kept his legs across the drummer's lap.

'And now we sit here and have no idea how to act around each other', Luke finished and leaned against his best friend's chest. Ashton immediately wrapped his arms back around Luke and pulled him close, giving the boy's damp hair a kiss on top.

'I love you Ash', Luke whispered.

'I love you too Lu.'

'But not in the same way', Luke silently added.