Me. // Lashton

nine

Completely caught off guard, Luke started coughing hysterically.

'Oh god Lu', Ashton said, getting up and awkwardly patting his back in order to help him.
A few coughs later and Luke had finally gained back the control.

'You know that doesn't do anything?', Luke said, referring to Ashton patting his back.

'Sorry princess, I panicked', Ashton murmured and went back to his seat, sitting down and resting his underarms on the table.

'You tend to do that a lot, huh?'

'Well, you tend to give me reasons to panic', Ashton shot back and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms.
Luke went quiet, not daring to say a thing, because Ashton was right. Luke kept making stupid and risky decisions and got himself in dangerous situations. Until now, Luke had been lucky enough for Ashton to be there every time, but at some point, Ashton wouldn't be there anymore. At some point, Luke wouldn't be Ashton's number one anymore.

'Hey, hey Lu. I didn't mean to hurt you', Ashton suddenly said right next to him.

'I'm sorry', Luke said with a sniffle, blinking the tears away that had welled up.

'For what?', Ashton asked as he kneeled next to the chair that Luke sat on, putting a hand in the boy's thigh.

'For being a burden', Luke answered with a sigh.

'You're not a burden. You're my best friend and I care for you', Ashton said and Luke only nodded. There was nothing left to say for the blonde. He had missed his chance with Ashton and now he had to live with the consequences of that. Ashton would always just be his best friend and bandmate, never more and he was the cause of that.

**

Letting another couple of days pass, Luke situation hadn't become much better. He seeked the drowsy and numb feeling of alcohol warming his body, letting his heart forget the pain that shattered it. Unfortunately, Ashton had only invited Lucas over once and they had spend the whole day in the house, no way Luke could get a sip of alcohol then.

Right now, Luke sat in the room that he was told to call his and looked out of the window, not focusing on anything specific. His eyes had found the comfort of the cloudy sky and the rare strays of sunshine that broke through them every now and then.
Normally Luke's eyes would get glassy and start to tear up due to the bright light, but his eyes had gotten used to it by now plus, the clouds covered up most of the light anyway.

Ashton hadn't come in today to look for him and maybe that was for the better. In Luke's opinion, he looked awful in these vulnerable days. His blonde hair was messy and there was no hint of a recent haircut or even hairstyle in there. His skin was pale, his eyes were red and swollen and there were dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't bothered to eat a lot aswell and probably had dropped a few pounds, but he couldn't get himself to care. What was the point in caring if no one else cared?

Luke hated himself for eavesdropping at Ashton the day that Lucas was there. He didn't expect to hear these words out of their mouths so soon, even though it was bound to happen.

'Ash?', Lucas asked, looking up at the drummer, who hummed in response.

'What.. what are we?'
Caught off guard by the sudden question, Ashton didn't answer at first.

'You don't have to say anything', Lucas said and was ready to drop the question, when Ashton finally found the courage to answer.

'What do you want us to be?', he asked, taking the weight of the question off of his shoulders and sharing it with the boy.

'I don't know- well, I do know, but I don't know whether you feel the same way.' Ashton giggled at Lucas' unsure answer.

'Just tell me what you want and I tell you what I want, yeah?'
Lucas nodded and cleared his throat. It was obvious that the boy was nervous and even a little scared of rejection, even though he knew that Ashton liked him a lot. He was scared that it wasn't enough.

'I want to call you my boyfriend', Lucas mumbled, not daring to look into Ashton's eyes, as he was too scared to see something his heart couldn't handle.

'Then you are allowed to do that now.'

'Really?'

'Really', Ashton answered and looked at his boyfriend in awe.
The fond eyes that Ashton gave him was enough to let the next words slip out of his mouth.

'I love you.'

'I love you too', Ashton answered and kissed his boyfriend's lips.

'You're so cute', Ashton whispered against his lips.

What they both didn't know was that Luke had been listening and he found it everything but cute as tears rolled down his cheeks.

In order to pick up the broken pieces of his on the floor shattered heart, Luke dragged himself to his bed, helplessly tugging on the hoodie he was wearing. It took about a minute but then he threw the piece of fabric that belonged to Ashton from the bed, letting himself fall back onto the bed, sobs shaking his weak body.