Me. // Lashton

twenty-eight

'Okay, thank you Matthew. Why don't you continue?'
Luke rubbed his sweaty hands together, nervously looking at the therapist of the group therapy that Luke was joining for the first time since he was there.
The fear to be recognised had quickly disappeared when his therapist had told him that everyone had to sign something, forcing them to stay quiet about the other patients in the clinic.

'Maybe you could start with your name and where you come from?', the therapist suggested and Luke nodded, his eyes not daring to look up.

'Hi, uh I'm Luke.. and I uhm.. I come from Sydney', he stuttered, tears making his eyes look glassy and himself even more vulnerable than he already did.

'Okay, hello Luke. Would you like to tell us why you are here?'
Luke shook his head. He knew that if he would talk, his voice would break and he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears anymore. His whole body was shaking and he bit his lip, suddenly missing his lip ring to play with when he was nervous.

'That's fine Luke. No pressure, okay? The first sessions are always harder. Soon, you'll find yourself much more comfortable with us. Let's move on for now, shall we?', the therapist assured him and Luke nodded carefully, being thankful for being given his time to get used to this.

'Alright, thank you Luke.'

**

'Hello Luke', a voice said, 'I have your dinner.'
Luke looked up and smiled at the woman. She was one of the nurses that worked in the clinic and she always brought Luke his food during the week. On weekends, an older man helped the nurses, giving them a chance to spent some time at home and Luke was fine with that. The man was always nice too.

'This is the last time that I'll bring you your food', the nurse said and Luke looked at her, raising an eyebrow while he made some room for the tray.

'Oh dear, don't tell me you forgot', she laughed and finally put down the tray. She pulled a chair next to Luke's bed and sat down, facing the blonde.

'Judging from that look, you really forgot that you'll eat with the others from tomorrow on', Rosy, that was the name of the nurse, explained.
Yeah, now Luke remembered. Since he had thrown up often in the morning, they had decided to serve him in his room until he was ready to eat in the kitchen along with the other patients.

'But I still didn't manage to keep my breakfast in', Luke mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows and taking the spoon that Rosy handed him.

'I guess they figured that you'll be more successful in company', Rosy explained and motioned for Luke to eat.
The patients weren't allowed to eat on their own, so Rosy always stayed with Luke until he was done. This took a lot of time for the nurses and was probably also a reason for why patients were moved to the kitchen as soon as possible.

'Hm, possibly.'

**
'Good morning Mr Hemmings.'

'Hm, morning', Luke mumbled and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Another thing he hated was that he had to wake up early in the clinic and had no chance in sleeping a little longer. He was already looking forward to sleeping a longer when he would come home.

Anyways, Luke had to get up and collect his things, only to follow a nurse who'd go with him to the shower rooms. There, he hopped under one of the showers and rushed through his routine, avoiding most of the other patients that way. Luke liked having his privacy, especially under the shower.
When he was done, he dried himself off with a towel and slipped into fresh clothes and one of Ashton's hoodies, that the drummer had brought last time he had visited. The fabric still smelled like him and Luke couldn't resist burying his nose in it a few times.

'Alright Hemmings, this is your first time eating with everyone else?'
Luke nodded and looked at the nurse. He was a little nervous, but fortunately, he already knew a few people, even if he never really talked to him. Knowing that the people wouldn't be total strangers was at least a little comforting.

'Okay, then I'll show you were to sit and otherwise there won't be anything complicated. Foods are assigned to every patient and is served by one of the nurses there. You won't be alone at any point during breakfast and if there's anything bothering you, they're there to listen. Besides that, it's mostly rather quiet in there, but I heard that concentrating on the music in the background is helping with that.'
Once again, Luke nodded, trying to keep all of the information in mind, but the fact that he was unnecessarily nervous wasn't exactly helping.

Minutes later, Luke sat on a big table with ten other patients, eating his breakfast hesitantly.
He felt sick and he was more than scared to throw up and look weak in front of the others.
He wasn't even halfway through his food, but his stomach didn't allow him to eat anything else.
He felt pathetic and when a very young looking nurse came up to him, he felt even worse.

'Is something wrong Mr Hemmings?', the nurse asked, looking at Luke as he wasn't sure what to answer. Tears were welling up in his eyes again and all he wanted to do was cry.

'If something isn't right, we're here to help you. You only have to talk to us', the nurse tried again, already seeing Luke's struggle. They wouldn't force him to eat his whole breakfast if he couldn't, but Luke obviously didn't know that, so he kept panicking.

'We were told that you sometimes get sick in the morning?'

'Y-Yeah', Luke stuttered and bit his lip to stop the tears from falling.

'That's okay. If you can't eat anymore, just tell us. We'll start slow, alright?'
Luke agreed and turned back to his plate. He felt like a little kid sitting like this infront of an almost full plate and not even being able to say that he was full.