Me. // Lashton

twenty-three

Waking up next to the person he loves had always been Luke's biggest dream and he was sure that Ashton felt the same way.
Being able to call the person he woke up next to and loved his, felt even more special and when it happened for the first time, Luke felt as if nothing could bring him down anymore.
The second and the third time, even the fourth and the fifth felt just as amazing and Luke wanted to never feel anything else anymore.

Unfortunately, the feeling of euphoria only lasted about a week and was replaced with a feeling of indescribable sadness and numbness. Looking at Ashton when the boy was smiling, doing something he loved and his eyes lighting up made Luke feel sad instead of the longed for happiness. It felt unfair, unfair for him and for Ashton, but Luke couldn't help it.

No matter what he did, the negative feelings wouldn't go away and it had drawn him more than once towards his old habit, the alcohol.
Until now, Ashton hadn't found him drunk again, because Luke was getting better and better at hiding. He drank when Ashton had been with Calum to write on some of the songs they were planning on putting on their new album. He had drank when he had been alone, but he knew that it was bound to happen. Ashton would find him at some point.

'Hello Sir! How may I help you?', a friendly girl asked, stopping right infront of Luke and patiently waiting for him to speak.

'Uhm', Luke started, tearing his eyes away from the colourful boxes to look at the girl, 'I think I'm good, but I'll ask if that changes.' He gave her a wide smile and the girl nodded with a blush, before turning around and walking away. As soon as she did that, Luke's smile fell, but it hadn't reached his eyes anyways.

He raised his hand and grabbed a package, before shaking his head and putting it back. No, he wouldn't go as far as dying his hair, but he had to do something.
He had sipped on a bottle of wine earlier, but it hadn't been enough for him to slur his words.

His eyes landed on a shelf with brushes, combs and even scissors. He was tempted and just when he was about to walk out of the store with empty hands, his phone rang- Ashton.

'Hey', he answered the phone, stopping infront of another shelf again.

'Hey baby', Ashton's voice greeted him, 'What are you doing?'

'Nothing much.'

'Okay, well, we could use you here. We have three songs done now and a few more ideas', Ashton explained and Luke nodded, even though he knew that Ashton couldn't see it.

'Hm, I'd prefer staying home today. You could send to me what you have though.'

'Okay, alright. I'll stay for a couple more hours, is that okay or should I come home?'
Ashton sounded a little concerned, but Luke shrugged it off. There was no reason to be worried about him.

'No, it's okay. I'll wait for you and then I'll join next time. See you later.'

'No, wait!'
Luke furrowed his eyebrows, but did as he was told.

'Lu, I love you, okay?'

'I love you too', Luke replied and with that, they hung up.
Ashton had problems concentrating after the phone call had ended. He of course had noticed that Luke had been sad and somehow not really present in the last few days and it worried him. He was scared that leaving Luke alone for too long in a house full of alcohol would end up horrible, which was why he hurried up to get home fast.

Luke on the other hand had bought a pair of scissors after they had hung up and had went home.
Another litre of various kinds of alcohol went down his throat and he was far too drunk to even touch scissors. No one was there to stop him though, so he went to the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror.

His blue eyes looked dull in his direction, almost through him, not focusing anything. His cheekbones were more present than they had ever been due to his weightloss and his eyes had dark bags under them.
Luke hated how weak and pathetic he looked right now and especially compared to Lucas.
Lucas had always looked well rested and happy. The boy's short red hair had always been neatly styled and his brown eyes had always held something very soothing in them, making it impossible to dislike him.

Without thinking twice, he grabbed the pair of scissors from the sink. Maybe he would never have those beautiful brown eyes or the amazing red hair, but maybe Luke could achieve some kind of similarity and the first think that needed to go was his long hair.
Lucas had never looked as feminine as Luke. He hadn't put makeup on, grown his hair out or worn feminine clothing. All of this had to stop and that was the first strand that he cut off.
His eyes closed and lips pressed together in a thin line, he cut the first strand of, letting it fall to the floor.