30: Incomplete

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Y/N

"Y/N, are you listening?", I was snapped out of my train of thoughts by the voice of my sister.

"Yeah....uhmm,  what were you telling?", I asked hesitantly.

"For god's sake Y/N, I have repeated it for three times already. Where are you lost?", She said, her voice laced with concern.

"It's just some company work.", I shrugged.

"I told you that you should enjoy some time off but you got a job once again.", She huffed.

Yes, it's true that I got a new job. I got it about 3 months ago. Well, I wanted some distraction.  I couldn't stay in my room all day where his thoughts would constantly plague my mind. I tried, tried so hard to forget everything but I couldn't.

My thoughts would eventually end with him.

I wanted to know how he was.

If he was sick, had he found the medicines?  If after a long day when he wanted to have coffee, was it readily available? Was his new secretary doing a great job?

I had fallen too deeply not to care for him.

Hell, I was trying to move on, to forget him, erase him from my memories because he wasn't mine.

He belonged to someone else.

This feeling of heartache never subsided. I wish I could erase all those good memories with him because if they went away, I wouldn't feel like my heart is being ripped out everytime when I remembered those.

After I sent the letter, I told my apartment goodbye and moved in with my sister. Her apartment took about 30 minutes to reach from car from my previous apartment. It was nearer to her workplace.

The apartment that she had rented was pretty large and she told that she was earning well.

For some weeks, I didn't do anything except drowning myself in ice-cream and watching cliché romantic movies. My sister insisted me to tell her what was wrong but I didn't tell her. If I did, she would probably go and burn the whole Park Industries and the last thing I want is to see her in jail. So, I said to her that I was just enjoying my freedom without work.

But is this what freedom feels like?

When it gets hard to breathe? When the pain burns your heart? When tears stream down your face everytime you are alone?

It felt more like I was caged in this sea of turmoil.

After my first month was spent drowning my room in tears, I pondered over everything. I thought about everything. What I wanted to do, what I will do.

So, I made a new plan. The plan that I had postponed. The initial plan I had in mind when I first gave him the resignation letter.

To discover myself.

I visited places, mountains and beaches. Walked along the parks alone, roamed the city and it's destinations, watched movies in theatres, went to dine in cozy restaurants with no care for world. I liked it. I was experiencing each and every thing I couldn't do before. I was living my life.

I had gotten much closer to my sister and we often had hikes with deep conversations. They were always peaceful and helped to bring my distressed mind to calmness.

But after a month continuing like this, I realized that I couldn't live on forever like this. Yes, I was enjoying things I hadn't done before, living my life.

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