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*・゚゚・*:

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*・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*゚:*:✼✿✿✼:*゚:.。..。.:*・゚゚・*

   I didn't make it.

   She died in her sleep that night before I could even get on the plane, and since then, everything has happened so fast.

   Between picking caskets, burial sights, and dates for the funeral that is taking place today, I haven't had much time to process the loss of my mother, but as I fell asleep last night in her bed, deep within the protection of my childhood home that I haven't stepped foot in since leaving to escape a whirlwind of paparazzi, the weight of it finally came crashing down on me.

   She's gone.

   My rock has been broken.

   Underneath the sky that is a dark gray like that of a terrifying storm, I can't help but feel that Mother Nature is also mourning the loss of one of her most beautiful warriors. I step up to the podium with shaking hands that I run along the fabric of my black dress, little raindrops falling onto my skin every few seconds. In a way, my emotions have been like that of today's weather- they exist, but won't fully unleash until the darkness within me reaches its brink.

   I look out at all the people sitting before me, a sea of black against a lush green background filled with flowers used to disguise the morbidness of the fact that we're in the middle of a cemetery with the remains of people we could never hope to know just a mere six feet below our very beings, Jane Granger soon to be joining them.

   Yet, all I can keep thinking is, why didn't she tell me?

   "If you're here, it's because Jane Elizabeth Granger meant something to you. Maybe she was a friend or a cousin. Maybe she was nothing but an acquaintance or even a friend of a friend, but for me, she was my mother, and I never thought I'd be doing this so soon," my voice comes out smooth despite the intense trembling of my bottom lip at the sight of Harry already crying in the front row while Louis, Liam, and Niall grip onto each other from where they've hidden themselves in the very back.

   I'm already struggling, but having them here after pushing their tour back a few days means the world and so far has been my saving grace. The only thing that won't seem to leave my mind is what's going to happen to me when I'm finally left alone with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company.

   "My mom was a light in this dark world. She was loving and kind, absolutely beautiful beyond compare, not because of her physical shine but because of her heart that was too big for her own good. She never thought she was perfect, but the most perfect people never do. She was everything I ever wanted to be but knew I never could, um," I stutter over my words for the first time since I started speaking, a raging storm of tears building in my eyes and so close to pouring out like the rain from the clouds above.

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