𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠-𝑗ℎ✔️

Chapter 9: 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑ℎ𝑜𝑜𝑑

^this song, in my opinion matches perfectly...

𝐽𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑛'𝑠 𝑃𝑜𝑣
__________

The past week has been long. I've been avoiding or being a dick to Bee, I don't mean to be. I showed her my favorite spot, only I went. Do I know why, no but I did. I had a feeling she needed a place, I don't know it sounds stupid.

It is, Jaden your stupid. Ugggg, fuck. My life's a mess, I'm a mess. I think- no I- ug. I think I like bee. There I fucking said it.

What is there not to like about her. She's a badass bitch but I can tell she's more deep than that. I remember the sweet little girl running around the classroom, laughing. She was happy, something changed and we weren't close but it still was kind of obvious. She isn't the same, ever since 5th grade actually. Her life kind of went down hill.

The girl that light up the classroom, who was always bouncing around and smiling ends up being the druggie low life kid of the grade. Of course I don't think of her like that, she's so much more. She the kind of person who needs help, but she can't trust me, never will.  I miss the bright little girl jumping around everywhere.

I remember this one time, I don't think I will ever forget it. We were in 4th grade. We were beginning the 4th grade actually. She got put next to me, we sat next to each other. We always despised each other, like little kids did but she was stubborn about it. Stubborn little bell wasn't uncommon, she did what she wanted. Anyways, we had to give our people next to us a nickname, for some "bonding" shit. I don't know but It was only us two at a small table so it was just us two making names for each other.

I came up with the idea Bee by her name. Bell. I took the first two letters and stretched them out bee. It also reminded me of her personality, she was like a buzz bee, roaming around smiling. That's where the name bee came from, it had always stuck.

She came up with Freak Boy. I honestly don't know where that came from but it stuck. I actually didn't mind it, as a 4th grader, I was the most mature kid in the classroom, rough parent life, rough life in general I wasn't all kiddy. Paid attention to people's actions, I would say for a 10 year olds I was pretty above my years, I had to be. In the grade I was the tougher kid, everyone was scared of me I might snap or make me mad. I wasn't like that but gave off the demeanor. I think that's where freak boy came from. She wasn't afraid of me and I enjoyed her for that. Even though we hated each other, we still were mutual.

I mean, I guess i've always had a sweet spot with Bell.

I mean she's Bell Mae. Who wouldn't?

I just feel bad for her in a way. I just always wondered what happened. We are on the same playing ground, except I was popular and she wasn't. We both smoked, drank, sucked at school, and didn't care what happened to us. It's just strange.

I guess that's why I showed her my spot, I like her and I just want to help. I make fun of her because that's the only way I know how, plus these memories or whatever are getting in the way. I've only had a few of them the past week but there just minor ones. Nothing big or special but the universe is trying to tell me something, I just gotta figure out what.

I'm crazy, for two reasons. Liking a girl who hates me and for these thoughts or flashbacks or whatever you want to call them.

I'm confused, my mind is a big mess. I have to take care of my sister and it's stressful knowing that and dealing with my feelings, that's why I put them aside, I put them away and avoid her at all cost. I'm not the feelings person, especially with her. Out of the whole grade or school I fall for the one who isn't up my ass, I thinks that's why I fell. I don't know, Jaden get it together.

I can't get it together, I fucking like the one and only Bell Mae.

great.