𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠-𝑗ℎ✔️

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 12: 𝑇𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑀𝑒

⚠️Mention Of Suicide and other maybe triggering things⚠️

Bell's Pov
_______
recap...
Apparently I fall asleep, because I wake up the next morning in my bed, with a worried Jaden sitting on my desk chair, in my room, wide awake, looking at me.
end of recap

To be honest, he scared the hell out of me. I didn't expect him to be there nor know why he is here.

"What the hell were you thinking." he ask. You can hear the pain in his voice, what did I do.

I just stare at him, then I look around my room, nothing out of sort so I look back to him and he is holding a piece of pape-

shit.

"Are you fucking insane" he slightly raises his voice. My heart dropped, he wasn't suppose to find that.

"Where the hell did you find that?" I say shakily. He wasn't suppose to find out.

"Does it matter?" he snaps. I can tell he is furious but why?

I don't have the words to say anything. He wasn't suppose to find that just quite yet, and I wasn't suppose to be here. Right at this moment I was suppose to be with my mom. Dead.

"Bell" he starts. He never really calls me by my name unless he's either super pissed off at someone or, well there isn't another one. He doesn't know me enough to be pissed off too much, so when he says my actually name, it really is never.

He doesn't say anything after that, neither do I. I'm just sitting there, studying his face. He looks tired and it looks like he was crying, or his eyes were just red with eye bags under them. His jaw also clenched, but his eyes were softened. He was hard to read, I couldn't tell if cared or acting like he could care.

Me on the other hand, I was a mess. Almost crying and can't say a word. I wanted to end things yesterday but he came so I couldn't.

My plan was to leave the note there and go to the near by cliff and jump. Quick and easy. It would have been done, I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for Jaden, breathing, living, thinking.

For some reason, I feel like I let myself and him down. He doesn't really act like he cares so I don't know where this sudden argerness came from. I let someone down yet again, see this what I mean. I'm a failure.

"Bell. talk to me" He quietly mumbles. I can tell he doesn't know what to say.

"i-i-" I stumble. I'm sitting straight up in my bed now, with my hands to my knees, I'm slightly shaking, this week is already bad enough.

"Bell." he sighs. I don't know what to say, I'm not opening up to him.

"I'm not gonna apologize if that's what you want." I coldly state, my voice is trembling. He sets the piece of paper on my desk and he runs his hands through his hair and he looks back up at me.

That's when I realized, his eyes.

There beautiful. There a shade of blue, just like the ones in my "visions". You can tell he has a lot of soul in them, sort of like a story. There oddly similar, they give me a sensation of home, safety, ease.

However, right now, there's a gloss over them. His eyes are full of worry and sorrow, something unlike him or something i've never seen from him.

He's always been know as the bad boy. Drugs, Fighting, Asshole, Jerk, you name it, he is. This is soft Jaden.

"My mother died around 7 years ago yesterday, like I said in the note, because of me. Imagine having fucking no one. I've been alone the past two weeks. My dad left, Caleb isn't coming back to god knows when. Everyone just got up and left. I'm nothing more than a single shell on the beach, a car on a highway, a tree in the woods, a leaf on the ground, a pebble in the driveway. You don't realize they are there until it goes missing. However, this time, no one notices I was missing. Not even my best friend. What's the point of living when you hate your self and having to act like your okay. I'm a ghost to everyone, even my own damn family just left me when they knew I was going to need them this week Jaden. What's the fucking point." I spat. Something about him just made me tell him. I couldn't tell if it was me needing to let everything out or if it was him.

It can't be him, I don't like him.

He doesn't say anything. His face was emotionless but the gloss in his eyes had intensified. His eye brows are calm, in a sad manner.

All the sudden he stands up and he comes over to the left side of my bed. He grabs my very shaky hands and he gently starts to pull me up.

I don't fight, I don't feel like arguing, I'm still wrapping my head around what I just said to him.

Once I'm standing up, not fully, he wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me close. One hand on the back of my head and one where it was originally, on my waist.

I have to admit, I was a little taken back by this but I didn't pull away. I needed a hug, someone.

Before I know it, I was crying. I didn't mean to cry, I rarely cry because I know if I start, I won't be able to stop. That's just me. My breathing picks up and I start shaking worse, here we go again.

Another anxiety attack.

I haven't had one of those since 9th grade maybe? I started drinking and smoking during that year, I really haven't had one since.

Normally,  my anxiety attacks are caused by my dad. After my mom died he was very hard on me, causing me freak out or harming myself. I felt like everything was my fault, which now looking back it was. I was 10, imagine going through that as a 10 year old.

I think Jaden could sense something was up so he started playing with my hair, actually calming me down. I didn't want it to get to the point where I was a complete mess, after a couple years of attacks I learned how to not let them get bad.

After a few minutes, my breathing still wasn't calmed down and I was still shaking. Tears were still forming in my eyes, nothing was working. I was still in Jaden's arms and he was still playing with me hair, he's been there for 5 minutes.

I feel his hands get taken off my head and waist but I really don't care. I then feel his hands on my face. He gently forced me to look up at him. Our eyes meeting.

"hey, it's okay" he softly says. Honestly, this is the first time in awhile I believe that when someone said that.

He gives me a soft smile, I can feel my breathing coming back to normal and my shaking is stopping.

He leans and he puts his forehead against mine and he just looks at me, with his glosses over eyes.

"I'm sorry, i-" I stared but he didn't let me finish.

"shut up. just promise me you'll come talk to me if you ever need anything, ever?" he says, I just nod.

He cared.

a/n: thoughts? idk about this chapter but oh well.