𝑀𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠-𝑗ℎ✔️

𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 16:𝐴𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠

⚠️Mentions Suicidal moments⚠️

-Skip a day
(now Friday)

I haven't left my room all day. I haven't gone to school.

I haven't really ate anything, nor drink.

I haven't got off my bed in at least 24 hours.

I have been watching youtube to get my mind off what happened last night, more like afternoon. I just can't get my mind around the fact, we kissed.

I fucked up. I fell for the one and only freak boy, the one I promised myself I wouldn't fall for, I did.

I'm dangerous for me, i'm unstable and i'm not good at dating.

-Last night-

"isn't the world complicated" he mutters again.

My gaze meets his eyes once again, still filled with tears, making them sparkle. The whole word goes quiet, fuck.

He was always the one.

"Yes, it is." I mumble.

"So why is this complicated. If everything in the world is complicated then why can't we face it together?" he says, I look down at the ground, listening to rain fall.

he knows why.

"Bee, look at me" he mumbles.

I don't look at him, I don't this think I can, I know what i'll do.

"Bee" I can hear him moving closer.

The fact is, I think i've always liked Jaden. It's cliche but like, just look at him.

Of course its not his looks, it's also him. His personality, he passion,humor, him. I always denied and I told him I hated him, but in reality I was like everyone else, falling under the spell.

I've always seen why, I mean come on, you would be dumb not too.

In a way, my whole life, he was the only reason I enjoyed being in a building for 8 hours a day. He was the highlight of my day and has been that way forever.

He was the only thing keeping my going.

He saved me, from me mentally going insane and death. He's always been there even though he never knew it.

Now, I was too late and I broke myself. Now , I will just break him and that's not fair.

But, my heart is telling me different. My heart is telling me to, go after him now before, it really is too late.

I can feel him breathing on me, so I look up, the worst thing I could do.

Tears were still in my eyes, the voices still in my head, the ugre to run and jump off the cliff were all still there but they were over powered by him. His breath, he body, his hair, his voice, his tears, him.

It was him, it always will be him.

"i'm not pushing anything on you, I just want you to know. I'm obsessed with you. I always have been, ever since we were little. I knew in my mind, it was you, forever and always. The others girls didn't have nothing on you. I just want you to promise me one thing, you will never ever try what you just did again? I need you here, I don't think i'll be able to live without your ass in the school being the ass." he blurts out, speaking from his heart. tears now going down his face a mile a minute.

At that moment, it didn't care if anyone else cared for me, anyone else liked me, anyone even seen me.

He did, he notices me and that was all that was important, him.

"promise me?" he whispered. I couldn't break him and I knew at that moment, I would break him if I did.

"promise" I said in the quietest tone I could.

He lets out a super small smile and sniff. It was getting cold out and the rain was coming down hard, it did't let use stop us.

I took my small hands and placed them on his big face, wiping away the tears I caused, because everything seemed to happen that way.

When I went to pull away, he put his hands on my lower jaw and he leaned, I didn't stop him either.

Our lips met, I could feel sparks inlight through out my body, from my toes to the tip of my head. His lips where chapped but yet so sweet and soft. It was such a bittersweet moment.

Just 5 minutes ago, I tried to kill myself, now, I regret that, the little things in life mean a lot, but, this meant everything.

He put his other hand on my waist, pushing me gently towards him, I could tell he didn't want to pull away just as much as I did so I let me.

Our body's met. My hands still on his face.

We're standing in the rain, kissing, finding each other.

However, this is just going to break quicker than quicksand could kill someone.

Broken kids don't go together, no matter what.

He finally pulls away, I didn't mind though, I was getting out of breath.

Our eyes meet, there still worry but there's also something else.

Something I can't read, some feeling I don't recognize.

The fire in his eyes is something i'll never forget, it was different but yet again so right.

"come on, lets get you home" he implied. He put his arm around me and we began walking, in the sea silence, both in our worlds, thinking the same thing.

why us? why the two broken kids?

-End of the night-

I still cannot the feeling in his eyes, those were something else.

I know for a fact, this is going to change everything.

You know that feeling when you found someone but you can't have them.

that's me.

I want him, but I will never have him.

no matter how much it pains me

I will ruin him...

a/n: THIS HAS MY HEART. okay love you:)