CHAPTER 11

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Haniya was sitting by the window. Everyone else was slept but she wasn't. She had a past haunting her. It's not her first time to sit by window and think about her abandon life. She always did like this when she fell low.

The haniya you see today isn't the same you had knew few years ago. She was someone else today. Someone who is not that shy anymore she was now bold person who would care less what people think about her.

The girl who never thought anything before she use to do was now  thinking twice even before she says anything. She wasn't the fashion freak anymore she started to wear hijab and abaya. Her wardrobe who was once filled with dresses was now filled with least numbers of dresses.

The haniya which use to worry about her nails was now only worried about her family. The haniya which was once used to apply makeup. Does not give her reflection a second glance.

She lost all her trust that once she had and now she don't trust anyone. Things made a distance between herself but she came close to Allah (SWT). She now barely misses her salah. She prays tahhajud once a while and recites as more Qur'an as she can.

She was more confident now. She is determined now. She now doesn't see anything beyond her target. She has a focus now. She doesn't crave for luxuries anymore. Her goal was to leave behind her past and focus on fulfilling the needs of her family.

She loss weight and her skin was tan. And she cared less about it.

She wondered how her life all of sudden as turned upside down. She wasn't herself anymore. She sometimes laughed at herself because of so much change in her. She never imagined her life would take a twist like this.

The intial time was very hard. She clearly remember that day she made herself strong. She made herself determined on that cold metal bench of the hospital. Life didn't gave her choice. She had to stand up and fight against her life. She made herself fight against herself and the world.

She hated herself so much. Each day she joins herself. Pulls herself together but she know she'll break again and it happens when a certain person comes to her mind.

How much she hates him more then she hates herself. How he made her life so devastated. She despises him. She never imagined to receive such a betrayal from someone so close to her. Someone who couldn't see tears in her eyes left her all alone. To be hurt. To hate him.

She promises everyday not to even let his name come to her mind but she knew she fails everytime. Everytime. She worried if she could ever come above him.

He not only betrayed her but also there family. She remmber the day crystal clear like it was yesterday when it happened. Maybe her whole family pretend to move on. She know no one has. And she was doubtful they ever will just like her. This many years changed there condition and suffering but they never forgot about it.

A tear pricked out of haniya's eyes. She didn't realized it until it reached her cheek. She wiped it away with a speed. She chocked a little and gave out a cry which was muffled with her hand. She cried until she encourage herself. She walked to there only washroom in the house which in between the hall and room.

She looked up into mirror. Her eyes filled with more cry when she saw herself in the mirror. But she drank them back.

'Haniya don't cry. You promised me you'll be strong. Didn't you. You promised you'll not crumble down ever again. He should be the one crying for you and not you should be crying for him. He is gone once and forever. You should be hating him. You have to leave the past and only think about the future ahead.  You have to look after your family. You have to take care of them. You have to be your abba's support. You have to be the rock for ammi. You have to be there for dani. I know it's hard but trust me Allah(SWT) is there with you. Even if you don't trust me. Trust you rabh haniya. Trust him.' Haniya whispered this all to her reflection. She splashed some water on her face. Looked one more time in the mirror and then performed wu'du (abulation).

She spread her prayer mat and offered some nifil. Salah always help her be at bay. And her long sujood always kept peace in her heart.

She raised her hands for dua.
'Ya Allah. Indeed you know everything. You know what I am going through Allah. You have always helped me. You made me what I am today. Ya rabh. Please help me forget him. He always comes in my mind. How much I try to erase him from me the more my heart cries for him. I can't lie to myself I pretend to be okay but deep down you know that I am not. Ya rabh please take him away from me. Let my heart not cry for him. Let me forget him. Make me hate him. Let me forget rizwan. Make me hate rizwan'

Little did she knew what Allah (SWT)had for her.


A/N: Salaam reader's.
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