JB3: The Governor's Secret[ PUBLISHED UNDER ETLUX OC PUBLISHING INC]

32

Denisse Gonzales-Juariz

Akala ko okay na ang lahat. Akala ko ito na yong simula para maayos namin ang pamilya namin ni Jonas. I thought we could give our marriage a second chance, na baka pwedeng hindi pa hindi na lang kami humantong sa pirmahan ng divorce.

Pero siguro nga ay hindi talaga kami para sa isa't-isa. Palagi akong nagpapakatanga at nagbubulag- bulagan pagdating kay Jonas. Even if the chances were vague and blurry, I kept on betting for his love. Palagi kong ipinipilit na baka pwede pa. I was very persistent of gaining his love that I surrendered my everything to him again and again.

Muli kong kinalimutang pahalagahan ang puso ko kasi naniwala ako sa pangako niyang walang kasiguraduhan. I weakened my defenses because I thought he'd held his hands to save us. Akala ko lang pala lahat ng yon. Like I always did since the beginning. Puro na lang ako akala.

Hindi naman ako nagsisising minahal ko si Jonas. Hindi ako nagsisising iniluwal ko ang mga supling namin. Janisse and Jaiden were the best thing that happened in my life. Ang pinagsisihan ko lang ay ang pagpasok sa kasal na'to. I was to blame for this. Ako ang nagpumilit sa sarili ko.

I robbed him off from his freedom because I was selfish. And when we had sex, hindi rin naman alam ni Jonas na carrier ako. He thought I was just some normal guy he can dump his cum without any problems; because if he did, I don't think Jonas would give in.

Jonas could have been the father of my kids without becoming my husband. Kung nagkataon hindi lang naman kami ang nag-iisang 'broken family'. We could give them the love, care and support without marrying each other. Pero masyado akong nabulag sa ilusyon ko matapos akong hikayatin ni dad at papa. I thought we could have a family like them. I was 20 back then, but was I mature enough? No. I wasn't.

Padalos-dalos akong nagdesisyon. I was a selfish young man who dreamed of fairy tales and happy endings. I was too sheltered to know that life isn't always happy and perfect. That reality can break your dreams and expectations real hard.

"Jonas, masyado ka naman yatang ginabi. Kumain ka na ba? Tulungan na kita."

Umupo ako sa harapan niya at akmang aabutin sana ang sapatos niya nang ilayo niya ito mula sa kamay ko.

"I can do it, Den. Matulog ka na, it's already midnight." Aniya bago tumayo para tanggalin ang damit niya.

"K-Kumusta si Shanice? Okay na ba siya?" Ang tanong ko sa kanya.

Masama man sa paningin at pandinig ng iba pero hindi ko talaga mahanap sa puso ko ang sensiridad. Maybe because I see her as a threat. Siguro dahil alam ko ang kakayanan niyang mabawi si Jonas mula sa amin.

Yes, Jonas assured me na kami na lang ng mga bata ang panauhin sa buhay niya pero hindi ko magawang panghawakan yon ng matagal. Lalo na n'ong makita ko ang mukha niya kanina pagkakita sa umiiyak na Shanice.

After Shanice greeted Jonas, she broke down and cried hard in front of everyone. Bakas ang labis na pag-aalala sa mukha ni Jonas nang mangyari iyon. Umalis ito habang buhat-buhat na parang bagong kasal si Shanice dahil hindi ito tumahimik ng aluin ni Jonas. She sounded like she's in real pain pero hindi ito makakalamang sa disapointment, sakit, hiya at awa na nararamdaman ko para sa mga anak ko.

Jonas left us for his woman. Pwede naman siyang makiusap sa mga bodyguard niya na tulungan ito. Or he could have brought her somewhere then come back to us immediately. Pero natapos na lang ang party, hindi pa rin ito umuuwi.