Ateez Imagines

Park Seonghwa: Peonies

"My Dear ___:

Hi. I'm not sure how to start this honestly.

I hope you're doing okay beautiful. I know it's been a while, but I want you to know not a day goes by without me thinking about you, about all the good and bad moments we went through, and no matter what, the thought of you can always make me smile.

Even now as I write this, I know you're probably scoffing right now, thinking of some sarcastic comment about me being cheesy. But you love it. You know it, and I know it babygirl.

I remember all those times you'd put your hand over my mouth to stop me from being corny, only to result in a tickle fight. The way you'd squeeze my hand to make me look at you. How you'd look away when I caught you staring. The way you'd stick your bottom lip out whenever I told you no. The comfortable silences when we stared at the ceiling enjoying each other's company. How excited you'd get at the simplest things.

It's been a while since I last saw you. Since the last time we spoke. The last time I heard your laugh. That laugh that could brighten up my darkest days. I miss that laugh. The laugh you hated cause you felt you didn't look pretty when doing it. I don't think I ever told you, but those were the times when you'd look the most beautiful you've ever looked.

I cannot wait to hear that laugh one more time. To see the sparkle in your eye one more time.

You've made me miss you for far too long don't you think? You always said you'd come back from time to time, but you can't blame me for missing you.

I want to say I'm sorry my sunshine. I've probably apologised more times than I can count and I can hear your voice in my head saying "shut up already Hwa, I'm fine now" just like you used to whenever you were sick and I had to work. But the way we said goodbye wasn't the best, we hurt each other, and I'm really sorry for letting my feelings get the best of me. I pushed you too far when all you wanted was for me to be there for you. I know I couldn't always be there when you needed me, but I promise you I tried, and still am. No matter how far we are, you can always count on me, just like you always told me I could count on you.

I hope wherever you are right now is the place you were looking for. You spend so much time talking about finding your home far away from home. That place you belong in without ever being there. I hope you found it.

This morning I felt like walking. I went out the door with the old, old iPod you left me on shuffle. How did you manage to keep that thing is beyond me, I know you loved it since it was a gift but still.

Did you know our neighbour planted peonies? Your favourites. I'm not sure when she did, I've never been too good at paying attention to those kinds of things, but you surely would've noticed. She always sees me with pity in her eyes since you left, I hate that but I know she means well.

I walked by your old job, the kids waved at me from inside the school courtyard. Your friend Ms. Kim was outside with them. She told me the kids from your old class were asking when you'd come back, and wanted us both to have another Show and Tell like we did last year.

Oh also I know you always worried about that little boy, Eric? His grades are up, and he misses his favourite teacher. Just thought I should let you know so you didn't worry so much.

I didn't stay long, I just knew you'd kill me if you knew I walked by there and didn't stop to chat.

I've always admired how much you cared about those kids.

I always thought we'd have kids of our own and they'd have the best mom/teacher ever, you'd embarass them in class and then I'd be the favourite parent and tease you over it.

Did you ever think about those kinds of things? Kids? A future? Growing old together, spoling our grandchildren?

Again, just thinking about it makes me smile.

I brought home a cup of coffee from your favourite place down in Treasure Street. I don't even know why I asked for your order, I could never understand how you could drink such a sweet drink. I guess because you were sweeter.

Yes, I'm being cheesy again, deal with it.

I have to end this here before you start yawning.

I miss you ___. And I hope I can see you again soon.

Love you to the moon and back,

Seonghwa."

The boy's breath hitched as he folded the piece of paper closed, a single tear sliding down his cheek as he bent down to place the letter in front of her headstone.

Has it really been five months? Six months?

His eyes directed at the name of the person he will love for the rest of his life. Thinking about the short line between the two years. The beggining and the end. Everything in between being represented by that single, short line.

The good, the bad, the lessons learned, the late night cups of coffee, the times that she laughed and cried, the restless hospital nights, the lives of those she changed for the better. Everything was now just a single line. A whole life was there. Her life.

He checked on the pot of flowers next to her grave, bright, colorful and full of life, just like she was.

Peonies.

Seonghwa sighed once more, a sad smile on his chapped lips. He knew his beloved sunshine wouldn't want to see him cry.

"It's been a while ___..."

He stood up straight, looking up at the gloomy sky and feeling the tiny water droplets falling on his face, saying one last faint "I love you" before walking away.

-
haha can you tell i was sad when i wrote this
i'm sorry if this was kinda depressing 😅have a good weekend i guess ✨