It's a Little Complex? 『BTS ✘ Reader』

《81》

It was an awkward and tense moment as I held my breath and instantly regretted blurting my thoughts out loud.

I'm so stupid. I've fucked up. I pronounce myself as a colossal moron.

"I'm so sorry. I should't've asked. I apologi-"

"It's okay."

Yoongi said two words and stayed in silence. I tensely froze with bated breath as Yoongi never moved. His grip had significantly loosened, yet held me with the lightest touch. I didn't know if it was appropriate to release my hold or to stay still. I couldn't see his expression which made my trepidation rise.

"I- Well I spoke of them for a brief moment before... Do you by chance recall?"

I took a moment to think as I searched through whatever database my brain had left in storage.

It took me a bit, but I roughly recalled him mentioning his mother the time he had apologized. It was only a vague recollection, so I couldn't recall much. Just that he had mentioned a mother.

"I, uh, not really. You've mentioned your mother before, I believe."

"Right. I did. It's not the easiest to speak of this topic so lightly."

"You don't have to. It was rash of me to ask. I understand if you feel uncomfortable."

"The others know and I feel as though you have a right to know a bit about my past too. Just promise me one thing."

"Sure. Anything."

"Don't stop hugging me until I let you go first."

I paused a moment and was surprised by his request but nodded against his chest in response. I could hear his heartbeat from where I was positioned and it had definitely sped up since the topic started. Now it was slowing down though, but it lulled me to calm myself for him. He took a couple seconds to collect his words before he let out a sigh and began.

"We all have pasts. Everyone does. Mine is just a little... sadder than most."

I didn't want to interrupt him, so I nodded to show I listened and understood.

"My father left the day before I was born. My mother was so stressed out afterwards and went into premature labor. Apparently it was horrible for her. She was terrified because she was left alone and had me early."

His words were clipped and held heavy. His chest could only let in shallow breaths and the reverberations of his voice made me feel so sad. I could feel his hands tighten a bit around my hoodie as well.

"It wasn't till I was four that I understood that something was really wrong with her. Sure before that, she neglected me quite often... but it was at that age that she began to drink a lot more."

His words choked a bit at the end, but I made sure to tighten my hold and lightly tussle the little hairs resting at his neck. His heartbeat quickened from its steady pace and I knew it was gonna get worse.

"School was more or less of a safe haven. I wasn't good at making friends. I feared having people get close and finding out about my life at home. I stuck to myself and the other children already didn't like me. For a couple years I went through life alone."

I closed my eyes against his chest as I felt his grip release a bit. His words exuded hurt and a tone of somberness. I felt a niggling sense of pain in the back of my mind that was coming from the boy in front of me. My brain just sent signals saying to comfort him and protect him.

"I wasn't the worst student at school, but I won't say I was the best. Oftentimes I threatened other students before they could think to be rude to me. I've been in fights before. Won't lie about that, but it's only if they threw the first punch. My grades were average, but I never found much interest in grades and such because I didn't plan on much of a future."