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- Vanessa Valor - - Compton, California -
"shh" i sighed rocking winter as she cried.
me and roddy haven't decided on what to do yet. on one hand, i think the mother of the baby has a point saying we could provide for winter but on the other hand.. roddy wants our baby. not one that was left at our doorstep.
i completely agree with his reasoning but this is a baby and whatever we decide, will be a life changing decision.
and i still have school.. roddy would be taking care of winter by himself most of the time.
"your so pretty" i said as she wrapped her little hand around my finger.
"you want sum breakfast?" roddy sighed poking his head through the door.
"yea uhm.. could you get her bottle? she gon fall asleep soon and i want her to eat first" he nodded before walking away going back downstairs.
me and roddy have had winter for about 2 weeks now and we're getting it down on what needs to be done. i go back to school next week so we need to decide this week.
"i would keep you babygirl but your not mine" i sighed. "i don't know you like your mama does"
after feeding her and putting her back on our bed so she could sleep i went downstairs looking for roddy seeing him nowhere to be found.
that's until i went to the back door seeing him outside smoking a blunt.
"baby" i sat next to him after shutting the door behind me. "why you doin this"
"i'm tryna get my mind off of this" he explained blowing the smoke out his mouth.
"i don't know what we should do" i admitted. "i hate the idea of putting an innocent baby in adoption but i still have school and we both know having a baby is a 2 person job"
"mhm" he hummed looking everywhere but me.
"roddy!" i groaned taking the blunt out his hand putting it out.
"i already told you how i feel, Vanessa" he said. "ion want a baby that's not mine. it makes no sense"
"roddy when we gon have a baby? like come on!" i argued.
"when you get outta school. we should be married by then" he shrugged.
"first you say you want a baby and now you don't?" i stood up.
"i want our baby!" he mugged me. "one with our genes!"
"baby i understand that but i can't find it in my heart to put that poor baby in the adoption agency" he sighed.
"i'll go ight? just wait for me to get back" he stood up.
honestly.. i didn't wanna give up this babygirl but i felt that roddy had a good point. we wouldn't have that mother daughter relationship that a real mother and daughter would.
i stayed outside so i didn't have to hear roddy leaving with winter. it just made me upset.
once he got back, i was on the couch watching a movie trying to take my mind off of this situation. i feel like yet again, i failed somebody. that somebody being the baby mother.
"i got us some food, ness" i heard him say from the kitchen.
as i continued to watch the movie and roddy tried talking to me, i just felt even more guilty.
"bae" he walked around the couch sitting next to me. "what's up? what's wrong?" he grabbed my hand.
"roddy please just don't right now" i sighed pulling my hand back as i stood up.
"no, Vanessa" he followed me to the stairs. "what's wrong?"
without saying anything i went upstairs and into the guest bedroom locking the door behind me. i have no idea why i'm so emotional but i just feel so guilty for doing this to a innocent babygirl.
"Vanessa" roddy sighed knocking on the door. "baby i know it hurts you but it ain't your fault" he explained. "let me in"
"no roddy just go away" i sniffled wiping my tears. "please"
that's when the door unlocked making me groan as he walked through the door.
"come here" he said pulling me to him as i began to cry even more. "ness why in the hell are you crying baby" he sighed. "this baby ain't even ours"
"because we couldn've provided it with everything she needed!" i argued. "we have money, a house, good ass credit and she would have both of her 'parents' here!"
"i know, bae. but i want our daughter. or our son" he wiped my tears. "as soon as you out of school we gon have a family ight? ain't no doubt about it"
"that's so far away" i looked down.
"maybe. but it'll all be worth it in the end" he lifted my chin. "i got you forever, Vanessa"
"you promise?" he leaned down giving me a slow kiss calming me down.
