Beyond The Stars || KSJ;JJK;KTH

XVI

faber est suae quisque fortunae

(Every man is the maker of his own fortune)

~~~

A minute has passed.

And then another, and another, but Taehyung isn't still sure what to feel, think or say to Jimin after he asks with a worried expression "Hey, are you okay? What happened?"

Taehyung doesn't even attempt to form any explanations, he only stares at the ground with sad eyes, dying stars glimmering in them and shining more than they have ever before.

It would be difficult to tell Jimin, because aside from all the things he's not allowed to say, it would also be hard on an emotional level. Right, what exactly happened? What was that? He knew Jungkook would not be pleased about the new information, he knew the younger Male would be upset and hide in his room, but Taehyung also assumed it was okay.

Yet, this was not his reaction. Not at all. Because Jungkook has not looked at him as in 'you kissed the alien I'm scared of' but in 'you kissed someone who's not me' and that is different. The betrayal, the sadness, the realization that Taehyung is not his, was nothing Taehyung has excepted knowingly.

Nothing ever goes as expected and Taehyung should have known that it was a bad idea. It was obvious from the start, was it not? The way it felt right and wrong at the same time, the way Jin cried for him in his heat - it was too good to be true.

Maybe, this was all because of the heat. Those feelings they have for each other, it's some kind of messed up soulmate thing that no one can figure out how to handle. He wanted to kiss Jin - a moment without thoughts and just following his heart - but it turned out to be idiotic.

What would have happened, if Taehyung was not in their lives? How would they live? He#s not sure, because he can#t imagine a life without them. And he wants to laugh at - yeah, it truly feels like they are meant to be together.

But somehow, they can't get it right. Perhaps it's their own personalities that are filled with fears and insecurities, or it is their pride that's not allowing them to awknowledg the vulnerability of commitment. There is something, that is keeping them apart all along, and Taehyung truly has no idea how to fix it.

They are so close, but so far apart at the same time.

He chuckles halfheartedly, voice just on the verge of breaking as he looks up to show Jimin his helplessness.

"I have no fucking idea." he says eventually. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much, but I- I- can't be without-"

It's hard to end the sentence because his own sobs interrupt him, overwhelming him so much that Taehyung almost chokes on them alone. Jimin is fast to lay his arms around his friend, allowing him to hide his crying face in his shoulder as he whispers that it's okay, he won't allow anyone to hurt him.

Taehyung falls apart in his arms, repeating "I can't-" and "I don't-" without ever finishing, confusing Jimin who tries to make sense out of it all.

The agony is spreading while Taehyung feels everything and nothing at all. His mind, his heart, his voice - everything is becoming a chaos, breaking so easily as if it was never stable before.

"Tae." Jimin says carefully once the other has reduced his heavy crying to silent sobs. "You're shivering and you're not even wearing a jacket."

Jimin tightens his hold on him, shielding his best friend from the coldness. "Let's get you home, yeah? I'll make us some tea and you're going to be okay."