Last First Kiss [H.S.]

Guilt

November 4th, 2013
London, England

Guilt.

Guilt is all I felt last night and since I woke up in my boyfriend's arms who happens to not have a single clue as to why I'm internally stressing myself out. He won't ask me. He knows better than to push anything he know I don't want to talk about. But that's the problem. I want to so badly, but I know myself and I know that it's better I make the decision for myself and then tell him the news. It's just a matter of when the fuck I'm gonna decide.

He doesn't make me feel any better about not telling him. It's not like he guilt trips me or makes subtle jabs at the fact that I won't tell him. No. He's the sweet Harry I've known since I was five. He's doing it on purpose. He must know treating me right will get me to feel bad for keeping this from him.

God Em you're going insane.

Tonight is the James' album release and all of us were invited. Well, I invited the boys. James said I can invite whoever I wanted and as much as I wanted to abuse the opportunity, I couldn't invite that many people to his album release, even if I did have a big part in it. So I only invited the boys to come along with me.

It's surreal the situation I'm in at the moment. The world's biggest boy band has hired me to write song with them and go on tour and now I'm going to an album release party for a somewhat new artists who I also wrote many songs on the album. People know me. Artists know me. I don't wanna sound egotistical or anything but I'm proud if myself. I would never have done this a year ago and I feel a certain pride just thinking about the many things I did in these months.

"Em" Harry calls from the bathroom. I throw the heels I've been trying to put on for the past ten minutes and stroll into the bathroom to see Harry looking at his shirt confused. I stifle a laugh at his pout and see that the buttons are completely wrong. The bottom hole of his shirt was paired with the second to last button, making the shirt look uneven.

"Well, I'd say that you definitely mastered wearing a button up shirt after years of practice" I praise sarcastically. He looks at me through the mirror and glares, a smile making his lips turn upward slightly.

"Can you.." He points to his white button up, silently asking for me to help him. I nod and walk over to him so we're almost chest to chest. My fingers unbutton it so it isn't all mess up anymore and I close the shirt again from the button to the second hole, allowing his swallow tattoos to peak out at the top. I kiss his chest softly before backing away to see his full outfit.

Other than the white button up shirt, he's wearing black slacks that fit tight around his legs but also making him look more formal. His usual brown boots are replaced with black leather dress shoes. He's really put effort into this party.

"You know..I don't think you ever dressed this fancy for your own album release" I tease, pointing to his outfit that seems a bit fancy for something that has nothing to do with him, to put it nicely.

"Uh..Yeah well..I just assumed since you know..You helped with the album..I thought I should dress nicely for you" He mumbles, furrowing his eyebrows when he looks down at his outfit again.

The pang of guilt I felt earlier fills my stomach immediately and my teasing smile drops at his words. God Em the boy just wanted to do something nice for you and not only did you make fun of him for it, but you're lying to him about something.

I close my eyes tightly at the realization and I huff a breath of air at myself. When I open my eyes again, I notice how unsure of himself he looks and feel my heart drop all over again. I'm a horrible human being.