Evanesce

Chapter 34

Nagising akong buhat na ni Icarius. I can tell that it's him because my heart felt calm and secure now. I tried to open my eyes to take a peek but Lyndon's face suddenly flashed on my mind. Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa damit ni Icarius at mas dinikit ko pa ang katawan ko sa kanya.

"I'm sorry."

A soft whisper came into the depths of the darkness. If it wasn't for him, I would be a cold corpse now. Sa pangalawang pagkakataon ay iniligtas niya na naman ako sa kalupitang dala at tinatago ng mga tao. When will they ever leave me? Ganito na ba talaga ako mamumuhay? Is this my fate? Is this the life that's meant for me?

If I just have a power to see the ending of this, I'd rather skip these horrible things and just be happy. But then again, our life is like a never-ending road with different processes and obstacles that we need to face in order for us to keep going. Some are eager to see the end of the road, but some chose to stop at the middle and be contented with what they have. In my case, I'm stuck.

Everything's becoming so complicated that I couldn't see myself being happy again. I keep on losing the path that I wanted. I keep on losing the ways to find myself. Kung nagiging masaya naman ako ay panandalian lang pero ang lungkot at sakit na kapalit ay pangmatagalan. It's like a tattoo in your heart. Oo nga't patuloy pa rin ako sa pagtahak ng madilim na daan pero ano nga ba ang mapapala ko kapag tumigil ako? Painless? Emptiness? Or... lifeless?

Bigla akong nagising na naghihingalo dahil sa bangungot ng nakaraan hanggang sa kasalukuyan na mga pangyayari. The stinging pain and horrors of it made my whole body debilitate. I can feel my forehead and neck sweating as my heart continue to beat in a fast manner. Hindi kalaunan ay tuluyan na akong napaluha, yakap-yakap ng mga nanginginig na kamay ang dalawang binti.

Ilang beses akong napailing-iling, sinusubukang iwaglit ang marahas na nangyari. Nang yumuko ako't makita ang katawan ko ay mariin kong pinunasan ang bawat bahagi na nahawakan nila kahit na ramdam ko pa rin ang sakit dulot ng ilang sugat at pasa. I also ended up hurting myself not until Icarius came. He quickly crawl towards me and gave me a hug. Tuluyan akong nawalan ng lakas nang maramdaman ko ulit ang init at proteksiyon ng katawan niya.

"I'm sorry... patawarin mo ako, Aislinn. Patawad," he continuously whispering those words to comfort me and ease the pain and disgust that I'm feeling right now but that will never be enough. It will never justify the things Lyndon and his friends did to me. Habang buhay ko itong dadalhin. Habang buhay itong manunuot sa balat at alaala ko.

Nanatiling nakakuyom ang dalawa kong kamay sa dibdib ni Icarius habang akap niya pa rin ako, nanginginig. He's slowly and gently caressing the back of my head and fixing the few strands of my hair that got wet by my sweats and tears.

"Sisiguraduhin kong pagbabayaran nila ang kawalangyahang ginawa nila sa 'yo."

Dahil sa mga katagang iyon ay lalo lang akong naiyak. What would I do without him? He's been protecting me ever since he saved me. Ayokong dungisan iyon ng kung ano-ano ngayon na nalagay na naman ako sa sitwasyong ito. He's been real and sincere with his concerns about me. I can feel it. Ayaw lang talagang paniwalaan ng utak ko.

"You're a strong woman, Aislinn," panimula niya ulit nang medyo tumigil na ako sa paghagulhol. "Please, don't lose yourself again. I'm here to help you. Hindi kita bibiguin."

When I closed my eyes, another tears streamed down my cheeks. If you just know, Icarius, I'm really trying hard. Pero sawa na ako sa mga nangyayari sa akin. Sawa na akong mapagod at umiyak nang paulit-ulit. I just want to be found. I just want to live in the way I wanted it, but I realized that some things didn't go to the way I wanted it. Kahit na anong gawin kong pagtatama ay nababaluktot pa rin ang daan.