Survive, if you can // John Murphy

//16// Uncharted Territory

WARNINGS: swearing, violence, sexual tension.

For once, John doesn't leave me in the morning. I'm guessing it's because he's still shaken up by Finn. Most everyone important left this morning. They're negotiating the truce with the Grounders. I, on the other hand, am playing with John's fingers and leaning my head into his shoulder. His fingernails have almost grown back. It's surprising how quick that was.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" John asks sarcastically.

I let myself smile. "Yup."

"How much do you wanna bet that you're the only one?"

I laugh, tracing the veins in his palm. "I know I'm supposed to be mourning-"

"Everyone grieves in different ways."

"When did you get so smart?" I ask, turning his hand over.

"You must've missed it," he says as I feel his chin on my head.

I look up at him. "When you were in the drop ship, you told me things. Did you mean them?"

He lets out a breath, avoiding my eyes. "Hearing your voice wasn't a motivation for killing people. I couldn't listen to you and do what I wanted to at the same time. So, I told you things I didn't mean so you'd stop talking."

I sigh, looking at the wall. "Thank god. You said things I didn't believe-...couldn't believe. You said I didn't know you-"

"Well, you don't know me," he says.

I look up to see him grinning at me. I slap his chest. "Don't do that."

He just laughs, kissing me softly and lifting my chin with his fingers. He feels so comfortable to me. His hand is on the small of my back, pulling me closer. My hand is trailing up his chest and to his neck. He's kissing me rougher, hands clinging to me.

"How is it," I start, pulling away and touching my forehead to his, "that this is the happiest I've ever been?"

He's breathing heavy. "I'd have to say the same."

"Do you think-?"

"We should go again? Yes," he answers, nodding.

I breathe a laugh. "Do you think that we can get them out of Mount Weather?"

He frowns. "We shouldn't think about that right now."

"Jasper is there. Miller is there. Harper is there. Monty is there-"

"Yeah. Wouldn't want your boyfriend to worry," he says, moving to sit on the end of his bed with his bare back to me.

"Don't be jealous, John. I'm worried about our friends-"

"You don't think I'm worried too?" he asks, standing and turning to look at me.

"I know you're worried-"

"We need to do what's best for us, Cam. And if that means we can't help them then it's fine by me," he says, pulling his pants back on.

"You're just gonna leave them there?" I ask, sitting up straighter.

"If it'll keep us alive, then yes," he says, nodding.

"And what if I stay? What then? Every man for himself-?"

"I would never leave you," he says, walking around the bed to stand in front of me. "I will never leave you. But survival is the most important thing. I won't let us die for them."

"You mean you won't let you die for them?" I ask, gritting my teeth.

"Hey," he says, grabbing my jaw so he can look me in the eyes, "you come first. You, then me, then everyone else. That's not changing."