Survive, if you can // John Murphy

//26// Goodbyes

WARNINGS: swearing.

"I don't mean to be a bitch, John, but you have to choose," I say, crossing my arms over my chest and shaking my head.

We're standing at the bottom of the tower. I watch as people reunite and cry about what they've done. The general vibe around here isn't the happiest. Though I know I didn't make that any better when I killed Pike. Well, it was a group effort. His blood is still caking my clothes.

"You don't understand, Cam. I can't," he says, running a hand through his hair.

"So, you'd rather fuck both of us? Because that's not happening," I say, shifting my stance.

"I care about both of you. I can't just choose," he says, frowning.

"Look," I say, stepping closer to him and fixing the collar of his jacket, "no matter what you decide, I know it isn't the end of us. We aren't done, John. I don't know how I know but I just do. So, pick her. I know you'll find your way back to me."

He smiles softly at me. "And you don't think it's a mistake?"

"How can it be a mistake when we've only just begun?" I ask, grinning.

He leans his forehead against mine. "May we meet again."

"We will," I say back, kissing him quickly before pulling away. "Now leave. I'll see you soon."

He nods, walking off.

Damn, that was hard. Believe it or not, I did actually mean what I said. Well, most of it anyway. As difficult as it is to admit to myself, he needs to be with Emori right now. I know they'll keep each other safe while the Ice Nation is waging war on us. I'm hoping they don't even find out by the time they're gone. I also hope that I'll be gone too. It shouldn't be too hard. All I have to do is say goodbye to Marcus. That's easier said than done. He's kneeling by a woman on the ground. I'm sure she'll be fine without him.

"Marcus!!" I shout at him.

He looks up, saying something to the woman before walking over to me. "What's going on?"

"I have to leave," I say, nodding.

"Why?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Listen, I've never been great at being on a team. I've always been a loner and I think I need to get back to that. As soon as I'm sure I can, I'll come back to Arkadia, okay?" I say, raising my eyebrows.

"I'm not sure, Camari," he says, shaking his head.

"Sorry. I should've phrased that differently. This isn't me asking for your permission. This is me telling you goodbye. At least, for now," I say, nodding.

He nods too. "Alright. Please be careful."

I smile. "Always."

We hug quickly before I take my leave. I would say goodbye to Bellamy but Marcus will tell him. John is the most important person to me, then Marcus, then Bellamy, then...I'm not really sure who's after that. Maybe I only have three special people in my life. I care about Octavia and Clarke and Monty, of course but we've never been very close.

Two weeks later...

These assholes couldn't contact me for half a second to tell me the world was ending, could they? I can see that they've made some necessary improvements to camp. When I was in a Grounder village a few days ago, I heard things about radiation coming to kill us all. So, I'm here. Arkadia. Everyone looks busy but I'm sure they'll take a break from their busy schedules to see me.

The gate opens slowly at the sight of me and I smile, walking through. Most people stop to look at me. I can't really blame them. I look a tad different. I'm wearing all black. Black leather corset tight around my waist, black fabric beneath it, tight leather pants, weapons hidden around my body. I wear tall boots everyday. They're better for kicking since a small blade is hidden in the heel.