Survive, if you can // John Murphy

//33// Earth; Radioactive Hellhole

WARNINGS: swearing.

"Clarke," I breathe, stepping closer and wrapping my arms around her.

We're standing in the rubble of Polis. She apparently took another method of transportation. She hugs me right back, squeezing me tight. She whispers quiet affirmations in my ear as her hand runs over my hair. She's still a good hugger.

"I thought you were dead," I say, pulling back to look at her.

She smiles, shaking her head. "I'm fine. I'm only curious about your Murphy drama."

I let out a laugh, wiping the numb tears from my cheeks. "Yeah. We're still a mess."

"Glad to hear it," she says, still smiling. 

I lean closer, whispering, "Don't talk about it with Emori."

After maybe an hour, they've blown through the ground. Bellamy goes in first. I wait impatiently outside, pacing and chewing on my nails. As if John still being in space wasn't enough, now I have to see if my father is still down there. He has to be. He radioed me from there when we left. I never got to tell him that I was okay.

I stay staring at the hole in the ground until Octavia is lifted from it. I let out a breath, embracing her quickly. She seems shocked by this but eventually hugs me back.

"I'm so glad you're okay," I say, pulling away to find blood covering her cheeks. I take either side of her face. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she says, taking my hands and pulling them down from her.

I furrow my eyebrows. "Is everything okay? Where's my father?"

"He'll be coming up soon," she says, walking past me.

I turn to watch her retreat. She's wearing all black armour and a sword on her belt. She walks with command. She led them down there. It's the only explanation for her demeanour. She has such confidence when she walks. She's a different person from the one who sat next to me on the drop ship as we sailed through space.

"Camari?"

I turn back around, finding my father there. I smile wide. "Dad?"

He hugs me tight, hand running over my hair. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm fine," I say, hanging onto him around the neck. "I'm fine, Dad. I'm fine. Don't worry. I was fine. We went to space."

"Space?"

I pull away, finding Abby by the hole. "Wow. You're looking rough."

It's true. Her skin is pasty and sweaty. Her hair is hanging messily around her shoulders. She looks even skinnier than normal somehow. Her eyes are flitting over mine fast. Marcus pinches my arm to scold me and I frown, turning and walking away. I see Octavia ordering someone to do something. She really is different.

_•_•_

I've only been on the ground for maybe three hours and we're already at war. The prisoners in the beige jumpsuits took Abby and Marcus. Now Octavia has the thought in her head that we're going to war with them. She wants to live in Shallow Valley. That's where the prisoners have set up camp. In that same colourful village we took Clarke back from. Now we're in the desert. It's nearly nighttime. I'm not particularly enjoying my time here. I'd honestly rather be in the bunker but Octavia practically forced me to come. She says I'm one of the best fighters she has. Firstly, she doesn't have me. Second, I don't think I'll be fighting for her.

I'm in my tent, packing a bag. She might've been able to get me out here but she can't keep me here. I'm going back to Polis. John will go there when he's down here. I'll be waiting for him when he arrives. If he arrives. I shouldn't be thinking like that.

"Camari?" Clarke says, stepping inside and reviewing my bag. I roll my eyes but she just gets closer. "You're leaving."

"No shit," I reply, stuffing a few rations in my bag.

"Where will you go?" she asks quickly, raising her eyebrows.

"Back to Polis. It's safer there and I'm not fighting in a war for an Octavia that I don't even recognize," I say, shaking my head and standing up straight.

She follows my lead. "The journey is dangerous. At least take someone with you."

"There's no time, Clarke. I've made up my mind. You should respect my decision," I say, nodding.

"You know," she starts, shifting her weight, "I wonder how much you changed in space."

"Six years is a long time," I say, almost warning her.

"I doubt you spent all of it with John," she says, shaking her head.

I clench my jaw. "Don't you dare pretend to know anything about my relationship-"

"Relationship? I thought that's what he and Emori had. Now no one talks about what went down-"

"I'm assuming you're curious then, huh? You want to know what happened?" I ask, shrugging a bit.

"Honestly, yes," she says, nodding.

"Three years after the death wave, John came to me saying that he and Emori had fallen out of love. I was hesitant at first because I figured it was just sex. He told me it wasn't. We hid it from her-from everyone. She found out, broke up with him, we started dating, she never recovered. He still blames himself for her current pain. I think she should be over it by now," I say matter-of-factly. "I'm guessing you think that makes me a terrible person but it doesn't. You have no idea how many times I've apologized. She won't forgive me. That's on her."

She sighs, looking at my feet.

I nod. "Now let me leave."

She lets out a breath, standing to the side.

I walk to her side. "I really hope I see you again, Clarke."

WORD COUNT: 961

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