Dark Tendencies (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Reckless

You watched Dean as he slept. His face was buried in his Arm but you could tell he was worried for you from the way he was positioned and the grip he had oh your hand. You got a little carried away in your staring. You realized how good it felt to just be you in your body. Having full control of your own movement was something you would never take for granted again. You felt weak but you attempted to move your fingers anyways and were releaved when your hand cooperated.

"Hey" Deans gruff voice rang, pulling your attention to the beautiful green eyed man beside you.

"Hey" you manage to say, but your voice came out dry and scratchy. Dean turns and grabs a cup of water he had prepared for you on your nightstand. You anxiously take it and swallow it down in one gulp.

"How you feelin'?" He asks concern laced in his voice. You look back at him and hand him your cup which he sets back on the stand. He was looking at you but not really. It was like he was keeping his distance, not fully looking you in the eye. Could you blame him? You don't even know all you said to him or did, but from what you did hear.. you could only imagine the emotional jargon 'you' put him through.

"What-What happened?" You ask, while tears prick your eyes. You try to sit up, but as you move your arm to support you you wince in pain, it's only then you notice the hefty bandages wrapped around it.

"What do you remember?" He asks intently.

"We found the red van, Cas said it was a pagan God, I got out of the car to stretch... the rest is a bit of a blur but the next thing I know we are here at home but I can't control my body.. I can't control what I am saying or doing..." you feel a little overwhelmed, but you lightly chuckle pushing past the anxiety it pulled you into "possession really fucks you up"

Dean chuckles sadly and turns his head to the floor, letting your hand go so he can run his hand through his hair. You immediately miss the warmth.

"Do you remember anything else?" He asks, looking at you hesitantly.

"I... I blacked out for quite a bit of it, but I tried to pay attention when I was awake. I.. I saw me kill some guy..." it was quiet as Dean watched you expecting you to go on "I saw our fight.. or at least a part of it"

Dean sighs and turns away from you. He had guilt written across his features and it is then you let all your anger go. He was probably beating himself up more than you could, and it really wasn't his fault he didn't see it. You were wondering if you could even tell the difference if it happened to him.

"Dean. Its okay. I would have been confused too" you start and he suddenly turns towards you with a look of grief on his face.

"Y/n I am so sorry" he says suddenly, he looks like he is going to cry, but is willing back his tears. "I knew. Somewhere inside I knew but when you said those words.. I lost it."

You wanted nothing more than to pull him close and cuddle into him, letting him know it was okay, but he needed some space right now. You knew it, so you waited.

"Dean it's okay. Babe it's okay." You reassure him. "I would never say that to you. You mean more to me than I thought humanly possible."

It's quiet for a moment before he looks up at you with further hurt in his eyes

"Y/n it's not what you said, it's what I did" he says, his eyes glassy and voice thick with sorrow. You had never seen him this way. He opened up to you. He would share things he would never admit to another soul, but he had never truly got emotionally upset like this before, and it scared you more than any anger he could throw at you.

"Y/n I assumed.. I assumed you left that night to hook up with another guy"

You looked at him confused, but quickly remembered the motel room that you must have killed someone in.