Dark Tendencies (Dean Winchester x Reader)

Don't Give Up

*WARNING: mentions of suicidal thoughts, dark themes, trigger warnings*

***Y/N Pov***

You fought for so long to keep her under control, but you knew one day she would get the best of you. You didn't want to enjoy the sound of screams or the adrenalin rush that came from watching the light fade from someone's eyes... but how could you stop it? How could you stop your dark tendencies from taking over? It was a battle that could never be won...

You wanted to give up. Hell, you did give up because it was the only way to cope with your actions. You knew what you were doing, what you were feeling, and you tried to stop it but it was too late. How else could you justify what you were doing unless you let her take control? She was the one killing. She was the one enjoying it. But deep down you knew that wasn't true. You are a part of her and she a part of you. You knew that blaming her wasn't justification for what you were doing, and after you nearly killed Garth and were going to kill Sam you knew you had to take control and conquer it, even if it was just enough time to end it all...

You pushed the enjoyment and anger aside and slowly with time she relaxed and settled into her rightful place, only making an appearance to haunt your dreams with the monstrosities you had committed. Thought it wasn't what you would consider fully 'you', you remembered Dean, Sam, and Garth coming in to feed you. You had been refusing food for the past couple of days, and they were starting to get worried, but now that you were regaining control you permitted small snacks. Usually, it was Garth that came in to check on you. You guessed that Dean and Sam didn't want a part of this, that they thought you were a burden that needed to be put down. You even guessed they would have left earlier unless they thought you were a danger to Garth. It killed you that they would think that little of you, but you couldn't blame them, especially after all you had done... all you would have continued to do.

"Garth?" you ask as he opened the door, bringing in a sandwich this time to try and get you to eat more.

"Y/n? Is it you?" He asked setting the plate down on the bedside table and looking into your eyes.

"I- I think so" You stutter out, not sure what else you could say.

"How would we know?" Garth asks with a pained expression.

You didn't know how to answer. You didn't know what you could do or say to show you were in control again, and maybe you didn't want to incase she decided to rise up again when you were too vulnerable to stop her.

"Garth I promise it's me," you say, earnestly surprising you. You felt tears well up in your eyes so you close them and try to choke them back, pleading that all the human emotions would go away but you could feel your demon taunting you.

 Look how weak you are. You miss me. You miss not feeling all of this. She whispers from deep in your soul but you push it aside. You felt her intentions and she wanted you to suffer, and suffering is exactly what you wanted to do. You deserved it after all. You deserved to drown in your own misery. In your own guilt. And that is exactly what was taking over.

Garth looks into your eyes and proceeds to unclip your hands form the restraints. You sit up and feel nauseous from the thought of food and tears started to trickle down your face as you felt the guilt crushing your lungs. 

"You know how I know it's you?" Garth asked, grabbing your hand. "Your demon doesn't feel guilt like that"

You lean into him and he comforts you, stroking your hair and letting you cry into his shoulder. Garth had always been a dear friend. A best friend. After all the years he had become family.

"Garth I can't take it" you sob. "I can't do this anymore"

"Yes, you can y/n. You are the strongest person I know, and I know a lot of strong people" he says with a small smile. You had always talked with Garth about your demon, ever since he found out what you were. He asked questions and you gave honest answers. Garth and Bobby were the only ones who had any idea what it was like to keep it at bay. They saw your struggle. Your strife.  Your lust for blood. Your need for a kill. Something you had tried to hide from Sam and Dean for so long. But it was no point in hiding it now. They could see you for what you were, and hopefully, they would end your suffering quickly.