Sanders Sides x Reader Stuff

Janus x Burnt-out Reader: I promise I'm trying.

Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you like it! this is another one I've been wanting to write for quite a while. this oneshot was inspired by Cavetown's  'I promise I'm trying'... I apologize in advance if it's bad, I'm a little out of my zone right now...Please keep comments clean and Patton friendly!

warnings: angst, possible depictions of panic or anxiety attacks, social anxiety, overwhelmed thought processes, angry Roman, crying.

your breath quickened under Roman's expected gaze, his question still lingering inside your with a million other thoughts that floated around, work, school, Janus, friends, family, your car, your home. stress building and building within your brain.

"I'm sorry Ro... I forgot..." you mumbled, meeting Roman's angry eyes.

"but I sent out rainbow mark the date letters, I texted you, why weren't you there for me." Roman said angrily, as you backed away a little. 

"I'm sorry..." you mumbled, backing farther away from Roman in the dark house, the white lights being the only lights, the buzz of the party, as you quickly tried to disappear, stress and anxiety pumping through your system.

"Y/n!" Remy's voice rang out, as you spun around, Remy walking towards you quickly, as more and more stress pulsed through your system, coming here was a mistake, your pace quickened as you scanned around, finally spotting the person you wanted to. Janus.

"can we go home..." you whispered into his ear as you grabbed the arm of his suit, his eyes widening a little but he nods, wrapping and arm around your shoulders as he quickly grabs your coats, walking you both outside to his car.

"are you alright?" Janus asks as you open the door, you faking a smile as you look at him.

"I'm fine, darling... just tired." you lied, well... half lied, you were tired. but you really just didn't want to face Roman or Remy anymore. you hopped in the car, staring out the window, as your mind kept racing.

the minutes drove on by, silence except for the hum of the car, Janus driving. you staring out the window, ignoring your buzzing phone. the sigh from Janus not waking you from your trance. 

"are you alright, dear. you're so quiet..." Janus asked, as you just nodded, staring, trying to forget your projects, trying to ignore the buzz of your phone as it seemed like thousands of things demanded your attention.

"it's okay, I'm fine." you mumbled, your eyes not even looking at him, as it seemed like a million city lights flashed around, so much. everything was so so much. you could only stare out the window. 

Janus pulled into your driveway without another word, as he quickly walked out, helping you out of the car, he wasn't a fool, he knew you were lying by saying what was fine, however as to not pry he didn't ask.

"how about I go order some food to be delivered and we can have a lovely night in?" Janus whispered as you nodded. with a quick peck of your cheek, Janus walked upstairs, to put his shoes away, as he dialed his phone.

you sighed, taking off your shoes as you walked into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water, as you leaned against the counter. your thoughts not calming down as you heard janus walking back downstairs, his jacket back upstairs, and his hat off.

"it'll be here in a few minutes, dear." Janus said, pecking your forehead as he also grabbed a glass of water, watching you as you zoned off, thinking deeply. the food soon arrived, both you and Janus sitting down and eating, however you staying silent as you were deep in thought.

you and Janus decided to have a movie night, and he went upstairs to grab a blanket and change into his Pj's, while you went to pick a movie, unable to choose, your phone on the coffee table and you finally picked it up.

 your professors calling, their texts about your dropping grades, the angry texts from Roman, the confused and angry texts from Remy, your family texting you about so many different issues, the reminders, the notifications, all at once, every little thing demanding you give it full attention, but you couldn't... overwhelmed.

you didn't notice Janus walking downstairs til his arm wrapped around your shoulders, leaning in with a soft kind smile as he pecked your cheek. before restringing his chin on your shoulder.

"what movie did you choose, Love?" Janus asked, unaware his question threw you so far, as your brain finally broke, you clasping your hands over your mouth to muffle the sobs that broke out, scaring Janus slightly.

you kept bawling, the thoughts, everything flying through your mind as you hugged yourself, Janus gaze turning to one of heartbreak as you gasped for breath to speak.

"I'm sorry Janus, I promise I'm trying..." you bawl again, gasping for more air as you just cried, the sobs shaking to the core. however the feeling of Janus' fingers brushing the hair our of your face and wiping a few of the tears, his soft and kind expression at that moment, only seemed to hurt more as you almost threw yourself into his chest, while he just held you.

Janus soft voice now against your skin as he whispered sweet things, hugging you and pressing little kisses against your cheek and slowly up to your temple and forehead. 

"please don't leave me Janus." you mumbled, crying, as Janus just held you close, cuddling you close, as he moved the kisses from your forehead down the bridge of your nose and meeting right at your lips.

he pulled his face away, hugging you tightly after that, both of you just calming down, and him comforting you softly. Janus just holding you, as you slowly leaned over, tucking your head under his chin as you leaned into his hug, Janus looking down with pain.

"I'm not leaving you, I won't abandon you... I'm here, I'm here for you, dear." Janus whispered into your ear, as you leaned a little closer, your breathing becoming steady as you squeezed his hand, it interlaced with your own.

"please just rest, dear, I'll handle it..." Janus whispered as you nodded, exhausted. with a sigh, and Janus rubbing your shoulders softly, you fell into a deep sleep, your mind finally clear, the only though on your mind was Janus, Janus would be there. Janus loved you.

as soon as he was sure you were asleep, Janus walked you up to your room, leaning over and pecking your forehead before starting a total of 2 hours texting everyone, telling Roman to lay off, telling Remy not to worry, and texting each one of your professors, getting extensions or telling them that you just can't.

with a sigh, Janus laid down next to you, snuggling close. this was just a bump in the road, and you would get better. Janus would be there, for you, forever. that was a promise, just like you promised you'd keep trying.

Thank you so much for reading and I really hope it was worth the wait. I am certainly happy to have finally finished this one. my mental health is on the mend, but this week is going to be really hard emotionally and mentally, and I'm really swamped for quite a while, so... yeah. Please don't hesitate to request, (it might take me a while to get to it though, sorry...), as always the artwork isn't mine so please give credit to the amazing artist, and to Cavetown who wrote this meaningful song. please remember you are loved and special!

Have a Fantastic Day!

Ginger Bread~