Eleven Months [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Twenty-One

Olivia was unconscious for over twenty-two hours. When she woke up, she was confused and in a lot of pain. She cried and screamed, and even the pain medicine wasn't helping at all. So just about when a nurse was going to give Olivia medicine to sedate her again, Elliot was led in by another nurse.

"Babe, it's okay." Elliot spoke as he quickly fanned the nurse away and got to his wife's side. He caressed her hair and held her hand as she squeezed it tightly.

"W-why do I hurt so b-bad?" Olivia mumbled through clenched teeth.

"Because you broke your back, Liv. But it's okay. They are going to help you. Just try to relax. Okay?"

"I-i can't." Olivia moaned before closing her eyes tightly.

"You have too." Elliot replied softly before frowning deeply as his wife got sick.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered as she avoided her husband's eyes.

"It happens, Liv. Don't apologize..."

///

Olivia was set up on a morphine drip to help with her pain. She was given the small controller and told to hit the button when she needed more pain relief. Once she had enough morphine in her system to take the edge off, Elliot was brought back into the room and he sat beside his wife before holding her hand gently.

"What happened?" Olivia whispered once she felt her husband's thumb run across the top of her hand.

"Do you really wanna know?" Elliot asked, and Olivia nodded slowly.

"Yeah. I wanna know why I can't feel my legs." Olivia sniffled.

"Honey, you fell off a ten story building." Elliot replied weakly.

"W-what?"

"Baby, Fin tried to pull you up but he couldn't. The fire department brought over the catch bag, but you missed it... most of it. From about the middle of your stomach up hit the bag, but everything below didn't. I'm sorry."

"So I can't walk?" Olivia whimpered as tears welled in her eyes.

"Not right now. But your doctors are working hard to figure out if they can fix this. We need you, love. So please don't give up."

"Where's Amy?" Olivia spoke as she brushed tears from her cheeks.

"She's at home with Casey and Alex. They said that they'd stay with her and get some training in. Sounds like they might want a kid together." Elliot said with a soft smile.

"Good for them, because I bet we will never have anymore kids together. That you won't want to be with me because I can't walk. I won't be able to be a fucking detective... because I'll be useless."

///

Olivia asked her husband to leave her alone. All she wanted to do was die, because her life seemed to be useless. She couldn't walk. She couldn't be a detective. And she was sure that her husband and daughter would hate her since she would need more help than ever before.

She tried to sleep, and even tried to hit the button to get more and more morphine, but it had a limit on it and she was still in too much pain to sleep.

So she stayed awake and thought about everything. Especially the fall since the memories hit her again once she became more aware of what was happening.

"Benson?" 

Olivia opened her eyes slowly as she heard Fin speak, before turning her head and looking at him.

"I will never walk again." Olivia breathed, as Fin walked into the room.

"You don't-"

"I do know that. There is no point of me even being alive anymore." Olivia huffed.

"Hey-"

"No, Fin. You can go to work tomorrow. You don't have to change your whole life because you will be stuck in a wheelchair." Olivia grumbled, before closing her eyes and turning her head towards the window.

"I'm sorry that I sent you up to the roof. I should have gone. I shouldn't have sent you to the roof when you didn't want too."

"Do you have your gun on you?" Olivia whispered, as she opened her eyes slowly before focusing them on the clouds.

"What?" Fin questioned.

"You heard me."

"I'm not giving you my gun, Liv."

"Of course you won't... you dropped me and won't even help me get out of this situation." Olivia spat.

Fin closed his eyes tightly before frowning deeply.

"I tried my hardest to get you over the edge, Liv. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough."

///

Olivia was bitter and extremely depressed. She stopped eating and only got fluids through an IV. The swelling around her spine went down, but the nerve damage was determined to be severe enough to prevent her from walking. They didn't know if it would be forever, or if in a few years Olivia's nerves would recover and that her spine would heal enough to allow her to walk again.

The doctors tried to get Olivia to do physical therapy to help her gain strength in her arms, but she refused to do that. She didn't even want to get out of bed and work on navigating life in a wheelchair. So she didn't.

"Okay, you have a very important visitor today." Elliot spoke, as he carried Amelia into his wife's hospital room. It had been over a month since the fall, and she had yet to see Amelia.

"I'm not up to visitors... so leave." Olivia grumbled from her hospital bed.

"That isn't going to happen." Elliot replied, as he sat Amelia on the bed. Olivia opened her eyes before looking at her daughter. Amelia grinned at her mother before crawling over her legs and quickly snuggled against her chest.

"Why did you bring her?" Olivia asked as she weakly ran her fingers over Amelia's back.

"Because she misses you. She talks about missing her Mama all the time. So here we are." Elliot said with a soft smile as Amelia leaned back and grinned at her mother.

"Hi, Mama." Amy grinned.

"Hi, baby." Olivia breathed.

"I love you." Amy spoke, and Olivia swallowed hard as she blinked away tears.

"I love you too, Amy. I've missed you a lot... Daddy needs to take you in for your first haircut." Olivia breathed, as she ran her fingers through her daughter's dark curls.

"Why don't we do that together, Liv."

"I can't go home, El. We live on the fifth floor. There isn't an elevator. And Amelia doesn't want to be seen out in public with me in a damn chair." Olivia grumbled.

"I bought a house in Queens. We can move in in a week. They are just finishing up making it wheel chair accessible. We will figure this all out, and in a few weeks we can take Amy for her first haircut together. Okay?"