Eleven Months [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Twenty-Three

"So, why'd you quit?" Olivia asked after Fin awkwardly asked her to sit and talk for a while.

"Do you really not know why?" Fin asked sharply. Olivia took a slow breath before frowning.

"You need to get your job back, Fin. These victims lost me, but they didn't need to lose you." Olivia breathed.

"Even if you forgave me for what I did... that doesn't mean that I still don't feel guilty. And then when I could finally see you, all I could think about was if you might be the same... but you aren't the same. You have to live your life in that damn chair, while I get to walk. I just think that it's wrong." Fin frowned.

"I can leave if you want. I just have to call Elliot." Olivia spoke as she looked down at her hands.

"I just don't know why you want to be here. Why you want anything to do with me after I dropped you." Fin grumbled. At first, Olivia thought that she had gotten through to him. But now she knew that there would never be a time where Fin would truly be the same.

"I'll leave... but just know that I love you and I am so thankful that you held onto me for so long." Olivia breathed. Olivia slowly made her way to the door before opening it and wheeling out. She turned around slowly and frowned when she saw Fin standing in the doorway with tears on his cheeks.

"Please leave me alone, Olivia. Seeing you just makes things harder. I need my key back too." He whispered. Olivia handed Fin back his key before shaking as he slammed the door on her.

"This was clearly more of a mistake than anything else."

///

Olivia focused on her family for the rest of the year. She worked on taking care of Amelia on her own, along with trying to cook dinner for her family since everything was at her level now. She knew that Fin really wanted his space, so she tried her hardest to push him from her mind and just focus on those around her that actually wanted to be there.

By the time the new year came around, Olivia was finally ready to go back to work. She knew that working from the precinct was her only option, but she was fine with that. It meant that her life wouldn't be at risk anymore, and there wouldn't be a transition from active duty to desk duty when she and Elliot finally expanded their family.

"Boots? Really?" Elliot teased his wife, when he found her getting into her chair the morning she was heading back to work. 

"I still have to wear business attire even if my ass is stuck in this chair." Olivia grinned, as she finally got comfortable in her chair.

"You look beautiful as usual, baby." Elliot smiled, as he leaned down and kissed her several times.

"Thanks, El..." Olivia breathed. Elliot watched his wife for a moment before frowning deeply.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"I got my period this morning." She frowned.

"Hey, that's okay. We can keep trying as soon as you are feeling better." Elliot spoke gently, as he caressed her hair.

"It just sucks, El. Because it took like one night of completely unprotected sex to create our Amy girl... but now it's like my body doesn't want to get pregnant. And we have been trying since late October. I think that maybe I should go and see my doctor... because what if the fall messed everything up?" Olivia whispered.

"Baby, no matter what happens... we will make it through it together. And don't get discouraged. God knew that you needed Amy while being in the witness protection program. He's just waiting until we are perfectly prepared for another baby before blessing us with one."

///

A ramp had been installed at the precinct, so Olivia could get into the building easier. They were due for a ramp anyway, so it just got done faster when Olivia told everyone she was going back to work.

She was so beyond ready to start working again. She missed being a detective and investigating. She was a little nervous about not being able to actually go out and investigate from the crime scene all the way to the end, but she was praying that everything would still be as it was before.

"Well, isn't it the Stablers." Amanda smiled, as Elliot and Olivia moved into the squadroom.

"Hey, Rollins." Olivia smiled. Amanda came over and leaned down to hug Olivia tightly. They hugged for a few long moments, before they parted as Munch came into the room.

"Okay, so I'd love for all of us to get reacquainted, but we have a rape victim at the hospital. Elliot and Amanda need to head out." John spoke. Olivia nodded as she waved them off before sighing as everyone went back to work. She sat there for a few moments before frowning deeply.

"I have no idea what to do." Olivia frowned.

Olivia made it to her desk and just waited for Elliot and Amanda to come back with information about their rape victim. Olivia knew that she would start doing research, but she couldn't do anything until Elliot and Amanda got back. She didn't even have a partner anymore, so everything was quiet and she didn't have anyone to even talk to.

About two hours later, Elliot sent Olivia an email with information on the victim so she'd have something to do. She barely got the name typed into the computer, when someone came up beside her desk.

"Hey, I'm looking for the CO." He spoke softly, and Olivia turned her head and eyed the man beside her.

"Uh, John Munch is our CO. He's been in his office on a call for the last two hours. So, is there anything I can help you with?" Olivia asked, as she took the brake off before wheeling back a bit and turning to look at the man.

He seemed shocked to see that Olivia was in a wheel chair, and he had a hard time hiding it.

"A-are you a detective?" He breathed, and Olivia nodded.

"I am. So, can I help you while we wait?"

"I'm the new detective... I was told that I'd be partnered with Detective Olivia Benson... or Stabler. They changed her last name a few times while talking."

"Okay, well that's because I was Benson for awhile and then I'm Stabler now... but by the way your face paled when I said that... I guess you aren't excited that you are my partner." Olivia breathed, as tears welled in her eyes. She got away from the new detective as quickly as she could before she started to cry.

She hated how as soon as her chair was spotted, it was like that man didn't think she could be a detective. The way he looked disappointed when she told him her name, made everything worse.

She was now doubting her want to be there. And doubting her ability to be a detective.