Eleven Months [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Six

Elliot didn't know what to say. He felt guilty for Olivia's death, but he knew that he wasn't at fault. It was hard to really realize that, but Elliot knew that he hadn't pulled the trigger. He hadn't murdered the love of his life. Josef did.

"Captain?!" Elliot exclaimed once he escaped Casey and her bitching. She had called him an assortment of names before he managed to get inside the safety of the precinct.

"What?" Cragen grumbled. He was still furious and everyone could tell. Fin and John were trying to stay out of it because they didn't want to get dragged into the drama that still surrounded Olivia's death.

"Casey just told me that she is trying to get the DA to investigate my part in Olivia's death." He panted. Cragen's expression changed as he shook his head.

"I'm not going to let you get in trouble for her death... I hate how you were involved, but you didn't plan it with Josef. You were just thinking with the wrong head." Cragen sighed.

"Huh?" John questioned, as he finally decided to slip into the conversation.

"John-"

"Elliot and Olivia were sleeping together. The fight that morning was because of him, and he pushed her too far. That's why she went into the hall." Cragen sighed.

"Old man, I heard that fight. I don't know if you did." Fin spoke, as he leaned back in his chair and eyed his partner.

"Okay, but no matter what he said... these charges are going to be dumb and not stick. Captain, go talk to the DA. Tell him that." John spoke, and Cragen sighed as he nodded.

"I will. But after the new detective gets here." Cragen spoke, and Elliot looked over Cragen's shoulder and saw that Olivia's desk had been packed up. The boxes sat on the floor beside Elliot's desk so he could take them home and work through them.

"Someone is replacing Liv." Elliot choked out.

"We need the help. She's a young detective, so please keep your pants on..."

///

Elliot was paired with the new detective, Amanda Rollins. She was a transfer from Atlanta, but at least she knew how to be a detective and didn't need too much training. Elliot and Amanda were sent out to a scene, but got stuck in morning traffic and forced to talk.

"You don't talk a lot, huh?" Amanda asked, and Elliot frowned as he glanced over at her.

"Having a new detective is a lot to take in."

"Why? I don't bite." Amanda smiled.

"My old partner got killed. I haven't had one since she passed."

"Oh god... I'm sorry, Stabler." Amanda frowned.

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything. She was the best thing our department has ever seen."

"What was her name?"

"Olivia Benson. You'll see her plaque on the wall opposite the elevator."

"Oh the pretty brunette. So you two were-"

"We loved each other. Best friends and partners for years."

"I'll never be able to compare to her, but I'll try my hardest to be a good detective."

"I don't doubt that. Uh, can we go back to being quiet for a bit?"

"I guess so. But eventually you will have to talk to me." Amanda grinned.

"We will see about that."

///

Over the next few weeks, Olivia still had a hard time not getting in her car and driving to see Elliot. She wanted to tell him about the baby, and it was killing her to know that Elliot wouldn't be there when the baby was born or probably miss it's first steps, words, and first smile.

But with Alex's support, Olivia was able to survive the next eight weeks of her pregnancy and get to the point where the baby's gender could be clearly seen on an ultrasound.

"Margaret Montgomery?" A nurse questioned, and Olivia stood slowly and Alex followed suit.

"Are you ready?" Alex whispered, as they moved down the hall and to where a tech was waiting for Olivia.

"Nope." Olivia whispered back. 

"Alright, I'm Maura and I'm going to be doing your scan today. Who is joining us?"

"My friend Missy." Olivia spoke weakly. She hated that Alex couldn't go by Alex and that she couldn't go by Olivia. Their names did make up a huge part of them, and their new identies sucked.

"Alright, well Margaret please lay down on the table and we can get this going." Maura smiled.

"Can you please call me Maggie?" Olivia whispered.

"Oh, of course. Maggie, the gel is going to be cold so beware."

The scan started and Olivia grabbed Alex's hand for support. They watched as the tech looked around and made sure the baby was okay. Maura made sure to point out the legs, arms, and the baby's head. She made a few comments on how adorable the baby already looked, before moving to the thing that they were all there for.

"Maggie?" Maura spoke, and Olivia blinked a few times before looking at the tech.

"Sorry, I kinda got zoned out. The baby's heart beat always gets me." She breathed.

"Your daughter has a very strong heartbeat."

"What?" Olivia breathed, as tears sprung into her eyes. Alex wiped tears from her cheeks as she heard those words.

"You are having a little girl. Congrats."

"Are you sure?" 

"Oh, I'm pretty certain. Boys usually show off more."

///

Alex and Olivia sat together in Olivia's car. They were supposed to go straight back to Olivia's house after the appointment but Olivia didn't want to go back to being Maggie right away.

These few minutes being able to be herself was important.

"I can't believe that you are having a girl." 

"I know that I wanted a boy... but I think that I need her." Olivia whimpered.

"Need her? Honey-"

"Not only do I need someone to remind me of Elliot because I'll never see him again... and Alex, I'm going to be a better mother to my little girl than my mother was to me. I will love her no matter what..."

"Do you have a name for her?" Alex asked, and Olivia swallowed hard as she rubbed her stomach.

"Amelia... Amelia Hanna."