Eleven Months [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Three

"Stop punching things!" Cragen exclaimed, as he pinned his detective against the wall as he sobbed and held his clearly broken hand.

"Let me go!" Elliot screamed as he tried to shake free.

"Elliot, you need to just calm down! Olivia is dead and there is nothing we can do to save her now! She would want you to be strong and move on! She'd want you to continue to do your job and help the victims she cared about so much! Stop punching things and stop coming to work drunk!" Cragen yelled, as Elliot's body shook like crazy as he sobbed like a baby.

"I want her back." Elliot whimpered as he dropped his head.

"I know you do, Stabler. I want her back too. But she's gone and we just need to move forward. We will always love her and remember her. We will try to be the best detectives as possible to help keep her memory alive. Okay?" Cragen spoke, and Elliot nodded slowly as tears slipped down his cheeks.

"I need to go to the hospital." Elliot breathed as he looked at his blood, bruised, and swollen hand.

"Do you want me to drive you?" Cragen asked, and Elliot shook his head.

"I need to be alone."

///

Elliot's anger wasn't only because he was missing his best friend more than he missed anyone before, but also because Olivia was getting laid to rest. Elliot had to get into his dress uniform the next morning, and he didn't know how to tie his tie for some reason. His hands were shaky and he could barely use his left hand since he broken it the night before.

"Captain?" Elliot asked, as he approached where the crew stood in an office off of the church's main corridor.

"Hey, Stabler. We didn't know if you would show up." Cragen frowned as he moved away from where he had been comforting Casey and to his detective.

"Can you help me?" Elliot asked nervously. Cragen nodded slowly before tying Elliot's tie. As Cragen stepped back, Elliot looked at the redhead that was avoiding him.

"Case, can we talk real quick?" Elliot asked as he moved towards her.

"I really don't think that we have anything to talk about." Casey huffed.

"Case, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I acted and how I've talked to you. I don't want to make excuses for how I acted... but I just miss her so much and I just can't deal with how I'm feeling." Elliot whimpered.

Casey looked at Elliot for a moment before asking everyone to give them a moment. Casey looked at Elliot before sighing softly.

"She told me." Casey breathed.

"What?" Elliot asked.

"She called me the night before she died and told me about what happened. How you two had been sleeping together for months, but you didn't want to commit to her. She loved you, Elliot. She said that she wanted kids with you, but you wanted nothing but to sleep with her. You used her, and now you are standing here crying about missing her and loving her? If you loved her, then why didn't you tell her when you had the chance?" Casey spat.

"Because I was scared that I wasn't a good enough man for her, Casey. I'm not a good enough man to be with her or to have kids with her. I wish I had been, because then maybe she would be alive and we would be planning a life together." Elliot whimpered. He wiped tears from his cheeks before hearing a knock on the door.

"The funeral is starting soon. We need to get in there." John spoke awkwardly from outside the door.

"You are the reason she is dead, Elliot. You should be in jail, right beside the bastard that pulled the trigger."

///

Olivia closed her eyes as she sat in her house and listened to her funeral. She never did think that her funeral would be televised, but it was and this was the only way she'd ever see her friends ever again.

She still had pain in her chest and stomach from the wounds she had sustained, but the pain she felt in her heart and brain were much more intense. She missed everyone, and she felt beyond alone. She felt beyond lost and confused. All she wanted to do was get into her car and surprise everyone at her funeral, but she had been warned time and time again that someone was still out there looking to hurt her, even if she was already 'dead'.

"Olivia." George spoke, and Olivia stood slowly and turned to look at where George Huang stood.

"Huh?"

"You have a call." He spoke. Olivia's eyes went wide, as she turned to look back at the screen. She saw Cragen speaking, and standing behind him was the whole crew. Even Elliot. So none of them were calling.

"Who?" Olivia asked, but George wouldn't tell her. He handed her the phone, and Olivia settled back down onto the sofa before speaking.

"H-hello?"

"Olivia? Olivia!" The voice exclaimed.

"Alex?" Olivia sniffled.

"Liv! Oh my god! I cannot believe you are alive! I saw the funeral and freaked out!" Alex sobbed into the phone.

"I almost did die! The FBI planned this all and got me out. Alex, I thought you were dead too. I miss you so much. I love you." Olivia sobbed back.

For several moments they cried together, before George pointed at his watch.

"Huang needs me to get off the phone... but we need to talk again soon. I miss you and I need someone."

"I miss you too, Liv. I promise you that I'll talk to you again. Just stay strong. We will see each other again."

///

The crew carried the casket together. They were careful because they thought Olivia's lifeless body was inside. As soon as the doors were closed, everyone turned to salute their fallen sister in blue.

"Captain Cragen, we are so sorry for your loss." Another Captain spoke, as everyone moved to follow the hearse towards the cemetary.

"Thank you. Uh, why don't you all follow. I need to talk to my people real quick." Cragen spoke.

Everyone went ahead, and Cragen gathered his squad around him. He looked at them for several moments before speaking.

"I told Elliot this yesterday, but this is the last time I will tell you all this."

"Captain-" Elliot started, but Cragen shook his head.

"We all miss Benson. She was a huge part of our crew and we feel empty without her. But we cannot self destruct. We must continue moving forward and doing our jobs. If you need anything at all, any of you, tell me and I'll try and help you to the best of my abilitly. We need to make her proud, got it?"

"Yes, sir." They said in unison before moving to catch up with the rest of the officers.