Affection | Jenlisa

True Love (1)

"True love is finding your soulmate"

"I do," Jennie's voice swirled in my ears as I sat in my seat, wishing I had never agreed to come on her wedding day.

My stomach lurched and bile rose in my throat when I looked up to see Jennie and her groom, standing together in front of the crowd, a priest speaking to them so everybody could hear, yet the words passed my ears which instead where filled with ringing and the blur of my surroundings.

Everyone looked so happy, their faces lit up by bright smiles and sparkling eyes. To fit in wasn't hard, My smile was a forcing, a mask of happiness covering my pain. I doubted anybody would even notice if I didn't force a smile, with how focused they were on the almost married couple, but there was one person who would notice, and unfortunately that was the only person here who truly mattered to me.

Jennie Kim.

The only girl who had noticed me when nobody else had, The only girl who had befriended me and cared for me. Jennie had been my only friend, and because of that, there was no way I would let her down. For that, I would do anything to keep her happy. Faking a smile was easy, if it was for her.

So I did just that.

I watched silently, plastering a smile to my face as the groom stood before them with my bestfriend, and I pretended to be happy. For her.

It was all too easy, my muscles having practiced the art of deception more than I could remember, lies spilling from my lips and joyous expressions hiding my true feelings.

Every moment was just another practiced act, another easy lie. And with every lie, another part of myself fell away, and I convinced myself more and more that this was how I truly felt, burying my true self for the one person who had actually understood and cared for me. Not the lies, not the fake smile, but me. My actual self.

I felt the pain in my chest growing, the sensation of falling becoming overpowering, and as I watched the groom lean closer, closing his eyes in joy as he kissed Jennie in front of me, the mask was blown from me, my pain flooding past the wall I had built to keep it well hidden.

My stomach lurched in jealousy and anger, and I looked away, struggling to regain my composure as tears threatened to push from my tightly shut eyes. It only took a second for me to regain control of my emotions, shoving my pain down my throat and pulling the mask back over my countenance, but I still found anger at myself coursing through me, the little slip having had the possibility to blow me cover.

Then I looked back up, seeing that Jennie and her groom had pulled away, though they still held each other's hands, their eyes sparkling with joy.

Knowing it was my job to support her who stood before them, I swallowed the betrayal that nagged at me, the first to stand up and start clapping, my white teeth flashing in a smile as Jennie looked at me, her eyes glistening with joy as they locked with my own.

I forced my smile wider, struggling to control myself and praying that my eyes didn't give myself away.

If there was any sort of longing, anger or sadness that peeked out from behind my cover, I was rushed with relief at the fact that Jennie took no notice, turning back to her groom with a smile that caused my breath to catch in my throat, even if the beautiful expression hadn't been directed toward me.

I was only given a few seconds to admire what might have been If I had built up the courage, before I was forced to watch as the groom walked cheerfully back down the isle, hand in hand with the one person I loved, now his wife.

-

"Are you okay?" a soft voice floated through my ears, causing me to look up from where her eyes had been trailing across the city below them.

I stood leaning against the fence at the edge of the balcony, overlooking the city. The building in which Jennie's wedding had taken place was located on a hill nearby the city, allowing for a fantastic view of the entire downtown.

The wedding was practically over, and I had managed to escape to the empty balcony without being noticed, or so I thought.

Now that Jennie stood before me, I set a smile to my lips and turned to her.

"I'm just happy for you," I lied, earning a smile from her, the expression sending a shiver down my spine. "The wedding turned out amazing."

"I couldn't have done it without you," Jennie responded, throwing an arm playfully around my shoulders, causing my skin to light on fire, my mind overwhelmed at the scent of her cologne. "When you find that special somebody, I'll be right there to do the same for you," her tone was reassuring, and though I knew I would never find anyone to replace the person I had lost today, I was filled with a sense of peace.

"Hopefully that's sooner than later," I replied. My jaw clenched as I imagined giving her vow at my own wedding, Jennie standing next to me, holding her hand and smiling, her gummy smile, wonderful smile that sent butterflies into chaos in my stomach.

"Is there someone you like?" Jennie asked, her eyes lit with a curious, excited sparkle that I couldn't look away from.

"I guess there is someone..." I trailed off, struggling not to shout out everything I felt for her. It was too late now, I had missed my chance. Even if I had told her, there was no way that the feeling was mutual, it would have just ruined our friendship. "I've liked her for a while," I confessed, closing my eyes and trying to stop myself before I gave away something important, "but I can't tell her."

"Why not?" Jennie asked, furrowing her brows at the anger she saw in my face.

"It's complicated," I replied, wishing I was smooth enough to change the subject without Jennie attempting to dig deeper. "Why don't we head back to the wedding."

"It's practically over, there's just a bit of dancing," she responded, "but I should probably get back now so I can say goodbye to everyone."

She sighed before shooting me a heart-stopping smile accompanied by a wave as she began to walk back to where the others were. "You'll have to tell me about this person some other time," she assured to me, looking back and stopping. "Thank you so much for this, I really couldn't have done it without you."

I only swallowed my longing and set a fake smile to my face for what seemed like the millionth time. "Anytime."

Jennie smiled, turning away from me and passing around the corner to head back to the wedding, out of my sight. I let out a sigh, closing my eyes and sinking to the floor.

Now that I was alone, I felt the image I had been struggling to keep melt away, tears slipping from my tightly shut eyes.

It's all my fault, I thought, ripping at my hair. If only I had told her earlier, if I had just done something.

With every second that passed, more tears pushed forward and I knew I was right. Even if Jennie had turned me down, or the confession had ruined our friendship, it would be better than to watch as the person my loved was so happy with someone else.

I slammed my fists into the cold tile floor, gritting my teeth as I struggled to accept the reality, my world falling apart at my own command. I wanted to yell out my anger and pain, but knew it would be no use.

I had lost Jennie, and there was nothing I could do to gain her back.

"in your best friend."