Affection | Jenlisa

Half of My Heart (is yours) (2)

"Chaeng, I-"

"If you apologize again, I will kick you." Chaeyoung says, and when Lisa turns to her, she looks like she's serious.

The airport is busy, and there are many people walking past them hurriedly, but Lisa's feet stop. Chaeyoung stops by her side too, even though they probably should continue towards the boarding gate. "I just.." What could she say that she hasn't said already?

After Jennie's wedding and Chaeyoung's realization - because Lisa had been facing her heartbreak unknowing that Chaeyoung could see it all happening too, because hiding things from someone for four years doesn't mean they don't know -, the outcome had been obvious for both of them. There was a lot of crying, mainly for Lisa's end, and a lot of apologies, mostly from Lisa's end again. Chaeyoung had been nice to her, because of course she is. She had taken all of Lisa's crying patiently, but at one point, she said it was over now.

"I love you, Lisa." She had said. "But you won't make me happy like this. I deserve to be happy." She had shed one tear as she added. "Is that selfish of me?"

Lisa had held her as she cried because no, Chaeyoung could never be selfish. That's why she let Lisa go. Because she wants Lisa to be happy too. Even if it's not with her.

The train ride back to Seoul was quiet, much different to the one they had had on their way to Busan. Lisa had insisted on taking her to the airport even though Chaeyoung had said there was no need. Here they are now and Lisa feels like crying all over again.

Chaeyoung turns to her, and raises her hand to touch Lisa's face but she retracts it at the last moment. The gesture makes Lisa feel even worse. Chaeyoung leaves her arm fall by her side, and sighs. "You'll be okay, right?"

Lisa nods to the best of her abilities. "Yeah."

"And you won't drown yourself in work like you do when you're feeling bad?" Chaeyoung asks.

Lisa shakes her head this time. "I won't." She probably will, but she can't tell Chaeyoung. "Call me when you land, okay?"

"I will." Chaeyoung replies. "And you know, you can call me right? If you want to talk about stuff. Just because we broke up doesn't mean we're not friends anymore."

"I am not talking about Jennie with you." Lisa protests. "That's just.. rude."

Chaeyoung nods. "Yeah.. Maybe not now, but someday."

Lisa hopes they get to that point. She hopes that Chaeyoung and her get to the point where they can talk about their future partners or people they like casually. Lisa isn't sure how she's supposed to do this, but she really hopes they can get there. Someday.

Chaeyoung checks her phone and curses under her breath. "I have to go to my gate. I'll call you when I land."

Lisa nods, her throat tight. Chaeyoung sighs again and then, she breaks Lisa's heart all over again. Stepping closer, she presses a soft kiss to Lisa's cheek. Lisa can't help but lean into it, years of habit impossible to turn away from. "I'm sorry."

Chaeyoung pulls away as Lisa speaks. "What for now?"

Lisa wipes her teary eyes. "Nothing." Everything. "You should go."

Chaeyoung frowns at her but doesn't add anything. She squeezes Lisa's shoulder once before she turns around and goes towards her gate. Lisa stands there, watching her leave and it truly feels like the world is falling apart around her. She stays there for a long time, she doesn't even know how long, but it feels weird to move. Alone. When she walks back to the subway, ready for it to take her home, she realizes she's truly alone now. Her apartment is quiet when she gets back and she's not sure how to take it. It's weird being here right now, when she feels like a completely different person. It's weird being in her apartment, her own home, her own space. There's no traces of everyone else in her apartment. Chaeyoung has never been here, neither has Heeseung. Jaeyun has come over a few times but they're both so busy with their new jobs, it's hard to see each other. And Jennie..