Affection | Jenlisa

My Lie For You (2) ★

For a while, Lisa was done with her. She was done with her unknowingly breaking her heart every day. She was done with her keeping her up every night, stuck in an empty fantasy. She was done with her making her fall in love over and over again, sinking deeper, hurting harder, giving more. And she was done with the flings with girls that will never replace the brunette. She was done with the parties every night, rebelling against her parents just to please the brunette. She was done with the lie she's sustained for five years to keep Jennie smiling, while the brunette remain cruelly oblivious.

But quickly Lisa resolve begins to fade. She begins to wonder how are she, what she up to, how life is with her new boyfriend.

It shouldn't have been this easy to slice the brunette out of her life. Jennie should have put up more of a fight. But now Lisa finds herelf spending school breaks with Jisoo and Chaeyoung, slowly losing all sense of the friendship she once had with her, and slowly losing her mind.

Jisoo and Chaeyoung are easier company than Jennie, that's for sure. They're so much more mellow; all they ask is that Lisa shows her face at the poetry club, and nods along when they ramble about the joys of writing in free verse. Soon, going to the classroom where their poetry club meets feels routine for Lisa - on autopilot, her legs lead her there every lunchtime. Sitting on one of the desks, surrounded by the comforting smell of old books and chalk, Lisa feels that honesty flows freer here - preferably in iambic pentameter.

Still, she finds it hard to force the truth past her teeth - old habits are hard to bludgeon to death. At least she is able to admit that not everything in her life is peaches and roses: "Jennie and I had a fight. We're not talking anymore."

Jisoo and Chaeyoung's consolatory words feel alien to her. Seeing their worry fills Lisa with guilt, and reminds her why she never opened up in the first place. Her honesty is a burden to others. But she's too tired to fake a smile. The truth, in the form of a frown, is all she can give at this point.

At least they don't press her further. After some murmured advice, they go back to their poetry, and leave Lisa to her thoughts. She appreciates their lack of curiosity. She doesn't want to go into details, doesn't even know if she can. All she knows is that thier friendship cracked in two. She wants to forget about it.

But that's rather difficult when Jennie's always there in the background - in the corridor, in class, by the fence outside school, everywhere, reminding Lisa of the raw wound that throbs in her chest. Every time her eye catches Jennie in the corridor, both of them quickly look away, pretending they don't know each other. Like strangers.

Lisa tells herself she's not aching inside. Another lie.

"You're looking pretty down," Jisoo says, as Lisa enters the clubroom yet again.

"Hmm...? Yeah..." Lisa doesn't bother saying any more, taking her seat and picking up one of the books Jisoo left lying around: Lawrence Dunbar. Lisa can't even pretend to understand it.

"Chaeng and I are actually going out this Friday," Jisoo says, peering at Lisa over the top of her poetry notebook.

"Mmmhmm?" Lisa flicks through a few pages, random words popping out:

We wear the mask that lies and grins...

"And we were wondering if you wanted to tag along."

Lisa's cheeks puff out, considering. To her, 'going out' means drinking, hitting the nearest club, and then dragging her home at three in the morning. She has a feeling Jisoo has something a lot tamer in mind. "Where were you planning on going?"

"To the diner down town. We'll eat something unhealthy, talk about our problems, just hang out..."

"What Jisoo's trying to say," Chaeyoung chimes in, "is that we want you to go out and have fun. You've been moping around this room every chance you get, and something tells us you've been going home to mope around your room as well."