Affection | Jenlisa

None of It is Real ★

It was happening all over again. A new body, a new mind, a new life. Yet all the memories from the past lives still were in my head.

*

The transformation usually doesn't leave an impact on me. One minute I'm one person - and the next? I wake up as a new body. I'm the same soul in a new world.

Nobody knows this happens to me. I made that mistake the first time. Try spending fifteen years in an asylum and you'd keep it a secret, too.

My first transition was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I remember my first life. I was born a female. My name was Emily and my birth date was March the third, in the year two thousand. I lived to be eight years old. My last memory of that life held me in a room, my mother screaming, a red glow outside the door. As it was opened, black smoke engulfed my lungs and I fell asleep to the sound of heavy boots, my mother's screams fading as she was taken away, and strong men lifting my small body.

When I woke up, I remembered nothing. All I could think of was my name. Emily. Emily, Emily, Emily. But that wasn't the name the strange man in a suit called me when he shook me awake. "Liam. Come on, buddy, you're scaring your old man. Wake up for me."

I opened my eyes to a world I didn't recognize. The man standing above me sighed in relief, and hugged me tight. I couldn't think straight. "Who are you?" I whispered, and his grip around my shoulders loosened as he backed up and looked at me in the eyes, clearly confused.

"Dad. I'm your dad. Liam, don't play games like this."

I didn't respond at first, but then I panicked. I looked down at my body. My arms had dark hair on them, and I was wearing a boy's short sleeved button-up. I touched my face. Stubble. My heart raced, and I stood up screaming.

"You're not my daddy! My daddy is tall with dark hairs." He stared at me, his brows furrowed.

That's when I started to cry. "Take me back to my mommy and daddy," I hiccuped.

"Liam, enough."

"My name isn't Liam, I'm Emily! Take me back to my mommy. I don't like it here."

He slapped me. Hard. "Don't talk crazy, Liam Anthony! Your mother has been dead since you were three years old and you know it."

I ran then, crying harder than I'd ever remembered. I found the front door to this strange new home, and tugged it open, running. I heard the man behind me chase after me, yelling curses, but I blocked him out and ran down the street.

As I ran, I stumbled. My legs were longer, and my body was heavier. I got short of breath quickly, and had to slow down. When I did, I wiped my blurry eyes and tried to focus. Where was I? The houses around me were really nice, and the trees were in full bloom. I was used to a small worn down house, and it was winter. Around the corner, I found a small cafe and walked in, sitting down at an empty table, ignoring anyone who tried to speak to me. I buried my face in my arms on the table and sobbed until a hand landed softly on my shoulder. When I looked up, a policeman, a nurse, and the man who claimed to be my father stood in front of me.

From there, I was taken to a hospital. They diagnosed me as scizophrenic and kept me in the hospital for six months before moving me into the asylum I would call home until my next transition.

I spent fifteen years being told I was someone I wasn't. I eventually started to believe them when they told me it was all in my head. I wasn't a girl named Emily. I was now a thirty-two year old man named Liam. I was just starting to believe the doctors when it happened again.

I woke up as another person, and another. It never ended.

Then, things got strange. My most recent transition, I remembered. I physically felt the change this time. I felt my former self die, this time of old age, and instead of just falling asleep and awakening as a new person, I experienced something I'll never forget.

I felt my heart slow, and I wasn't afraid. I knew I'd be back as someone else sooner than I could blink, but things felt different. My pulse weakened to nothing, and I took my last breath as Eileen in 1953. When I opened my eyes, however, I was blinded.

I was somewhere new. I looked down to see my new body, but it wasn't there. Instead, I was a vast blur of colors. I had no arms and no legs. I simply moved where I wanted to by will. All around me was blackness. In the far distance were small, unintelligible lights. I tried to reach them, but they were always beyond the next few steps. And just when I thought I was alone, the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my entire lives appeared directly in front of me.

Her colors were like mine, but more in depth. They swirled in and around her, completely eveloping her, becoming her. She had no human shape that I could see, but I could feel her appearance. It was as if her true self could be felt, not seen. And then she spoke.

When I say she spoke, I mean she screeched. The sound was so piercing that I cringed. I tried to speak, but could not. All I could think was, please stop.

And she did. I looked up, shocked, and she spoke again, her colors all turning a deep red. "Leave, you do not belong here." Her words didn't leave her form, but instead boomed in my mind. With a powerful force, I was knocked away, and left without sight.

When I opened my eyes, I was a eighteen year old girl named Lisa.