love you always

ouch

I was now past my due date. I was supposed to have her in may, but it was now June 3rd. "Derek" i yelled from downstairs, he came running down the staircase "you okay?" i was bouncing up and down on a yoga ball, trying to get this baby out of me. "I need something spicy, it's supposed to be good for inducing labour and i cannot be pregnant any longer" he looked at me, he was patient but exhausted, throughout the past 9 months he'd put up with me. "I'll go to the store and get you something spicy then" i smiled up at him as he kissed my forehead, "thank you, i love you" he got his keys and got ready to leave, he opened the door and on the way out shouted "i love you". I got tired of bouncing on the yoga ball, so i decided to walk up and down the stairs, light exercise was also supposed to help.

After i had walked up and down the stairs about 18 times i decided to have a break, i sat down on the couch and felt something weird. It was like a cramp, it was most likely a braxton hick, and my waters hadn't broken so i brushed it off and turned on the tv.

Derek got back and sat down with me, we cuddled up on the sofa eating 100 different kinds of spicy food. He had one hand on my stomach, and the other one pulling my body closer to his. My head rested in the crook of his neck. As exhausted and uncomfortable my whole body felt, it was nice to just sit and be with him. I had been home for a few days, and Derek still went into work. It was nice to have him all to myself.

We went up to bed at about 12pm, i was half asleep so Derek put his arm around me and guided me up the stairs. I brushed my teeth and got straight into bed. He lifted the covers and got in with me. Another thing no one ever told me about pregnancy, your sleeping positions were extremely limited, you weren't supposed to sleep on your back, obviously not on your front, and sleeping on your left side was better for blood flow apparently. Derek pulled me closer to him, kissed my neck and drifted off.

1:48am:
"Ouch" i woke up suddenly. Another braxton hick. Derek was still asleep. i didn't want to wake him so i went into the bathroom, something felt weird. I sat on the floor for a while, before another sharp pain shot down my body. "Fuck" i didn't know if i should wake him, call my OB or go back to sleep. I decided to sit in bed for a while and see if it got any worse. I was just falling asleep when the pain shot down me, this time it was stronger. "Derek" i said, loud enough for him to wake up suddenly. "Mer what's wrong, are you okay?" i shook my head no. "I keep getting really bad cramps" he looked at me, concerned. "Are you having contractions?" I shrugged and walked into the bathroom, i felt a trickle of liquid go down my leg, i thought it was my stupid pregnancy bladder. I stood and looked in the mirror to tie my hair back. "Oh my god" i said as i felt more of a gush come out. Derek ran into the bathroom, he saw the pool of water i was now stood still in. He walked slowly towards me and grabbed my hand. Suddenly i felt another huge cramp, they were only getting more intense and closer together. "Mer i'm calling the OB, she'll know when we should go to the hospital" i nodded and sat down on the bed, gripping the sheets and scrunching my face, as i had another contraction. Derek finished on the call and told me she said to go to hospital when the contractions are less than 4 minutes apart.

2:26am:
Derek was putting the hospital bag inside the car, and i was still in bed, sitting through another contraction. I was trying to change into sweatpants and a shirt, the shockwaves of pain every few minutes made that task almost impossible. I finally managed to get dressed, and was putting on light makeup, it's not that i cared how i looked when i was in hospital giving birth, i just wanted to look okay in the first photos we'd ever take of our daughter.

Derek sat at the edge of the bed with me, rubbing my back as i breathed through another contraction. They were only getting worse and more often. I was so caught up in all the pain i didn't even think about how exhausted i would be for the next few years. We would have a newborn, then a toddler and then a child who we send to school, and then a teenager that wants nothing to do with us. Tears streamed down my face, which i was unaware of until Derek wiped them away and kissed the side of my head "hey it's going to be okay, i know it hurts" he said sympathetically. "It's not that it's just, i didn't have parents who loved or raised me, what if i'm a bad mom, what if she hates me" a mix of hormones and pure exhaustion caused me to burst in to tears. "Meredith Grey, you are going to be an excellent mom, i know it, you care about her so much already, i promise it will be okay" He held me tightly, i just continued to cry, until i had a massive contraction. "Ahh" i squeezed his hand, he said "Okay Mer theyre every 4 minutes now we should get going, he helped me off the bed and down the stairs.

3:12am
The roads were clear, and we were not too far from the hospital. I kept having contractions, which Derek tried his best to help me through, despite his need to focus on getting us to the hospital in one piece. "I can't do this for much longer i'm tired and this hurts" he looked at me as we stopped at traffic lights. "Were almost there just keep breathing".

3:19am
We arrived at the hospital, when a nurse came out to our car with a wheelchair and helped me onto it. Derek grabbed the bags and we headed inside the hospital.

I sat in the hospital bed, we had just seen the midwife who told us that i was 6cm dilated, so we had some time before i had to push.

Happy new year <3 i hope 2021 treats you well.