love you always

almost time

1 week until the wedding

"She has a fever what if she has pneumonia or an infection, you know how many things she could have picked up from the hospital" i was getting worried, "mer she probably just has a cold, or another tooth coming through, your a doctor you know kids get sick" derek reassured, i wasn't sure how he could stay so calm, what if something was really wrong?

"What if she's sick on the day?" i panicked "mer she will be fine, i'll call a sitter and she can stay home" he suggested, "what and leave her here when she's sick? no!" i protested, "so what do you want to do?" he started getting annoyed "well since you don't seem to care, i'll stay home with her today, you tell baily" i raised my voice.

"Meredith you can't stay home every time she has a slight fever or if she won't stop crying" he said more calmly, "when you're sick all you want to do is lay with your mum, and my mother was never there to lay on, so i'm not leaving her" i argued, "meredith your an excellent mum, you look after her, you love her, and you obviously care" he complimented, sounding more understanding "thank you, but i just need to be with her" i held her closer to me, "is this about you or her?" he asked, "of course it's about her, that's why you're going in and you'll let the cheif know i wanted to be at work today but i couldn't" i stated, not wanting to raise my voice again and disturb ella from falling asleep, "are you worried about the wedding?" he asked, "oh my god, derek this isn't about me, or the wedding" i spat back, "it's okay to be nervous i get that" he pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, "i'm not nervous, i want to marry you, it's just a lot is happening and i need to be with her today" i admitted.

"I'll let the cheif know" he gave up and kissed me goodbye, "okay thanks" i smiled.

As soon as he left i put ella down, she was fast asleep, derek was probably right, she most likely had a tooth coming through and would be fine. Maybe he was right about me being nervous, but i wouldn't tell him that.

Later i made pasta, the only dish i could actually cook, thanks to my lessons with derek.

I heard the front door open and he walked into the kitchen, "how's ella?" he asked, "she's better now, she was pretty tired, out like a light" i put 2 plates on the counter.

We sat in silence, one of the many reasons i hated not eating in front of the tv. "So how was your day?" i made polite conversation, "boring, i clipped 2 aneurisms and caught up on charts" he replied, "mer we need to talk, you seem stressed" he said concerned. "There's just lots happening, that's all" i forced a smile.

Later that evening we sat on the sofa, derek started kissing down my neck, taking of my shirt to reveal my very un-sexy bra, "derek let's just watch tv, i'm exhausted" i   said. "Meredith please tell me what's wrong" he pulled away, "nothing... i'm just... on my period" i lied, "okay then we'll talk, you seem on edge" he sat back, "derek when i'm telling you i'm find i'm not doing it for fun, i'm fine, really just tired" i got up and walked upstairs.

I heard footsteps behind me, he was determined to get me to speak.

"Were not sleeping until you tell me what's wrong?" he stated, "you don't have to sleep but i am, i pulled the covers over and closed my eyes. "Fine i'm going to sleep in the guest room" he got up and left the room.

I couldn't fall asleep without him so i decided to give in. I got up and walked into the guest room, where i saw him laying in bed, he was awake too. I climbed into bed and got closer to him, he didn't protest, he put his arm around me and sighed. "I'm angry at my mother" i whispered.

He turned over and looked at me, listening "she was never around for me" i told him. He kissed my forehead "i'm sorry" and pulled me closer to him, before we drifted off together.

I had woken up later then usual, it took me a minute to realise i was in the guest room, in an empty bed. I wasn't late but normally i wouldn't sleep in as much as i had today.

I walked into ella's room to find derek reading to her on a chair, both dressed and ready. "Good morning" i leant down to kiss ella on the cheek, "we wanted to let you sleep in a little" derek smiled, "thank you, i'm gonna go shower and change before we leave" i left the room.

I was relieved ella seemed much better this morning.

2 days until the wedding

"Holy shit cristina i'm getting married the day after tomorrow!" i exclaimed, "yeah i know, you making me stand with you and wear a stupid dress" cristina joked "wait, the dresses look stupid? you told me you liked them!" i panicked, slightly pissed "mer calm down the dresses aren't stupid, i just don't like wearing anything other than scrubs, you know that. Now stop worrying it's freaking me out" she tried to calm me down.

"I promise i love him, i really do, i'm just nervous" i sighed, "i know but hold your breath and it'll all be over" she walked away and smiled.

Cristina was supportive, but she had a funny way of showing it. Despite her lack of emotion towards anything i tell her, she tries, and she is my best friend. So that's what i focused on, i had people in my corner, it was all going to be fine.

I had tomorrow off to see people before the wedding, lexie was making me get my hair cut, nails painted, everything waxed and we had to drive out to the wedding venue, where we would stay the night before and after. I also had pack bags for the honeymoon and get ella's stuff ready for her first real stay away from us.

Lexie was staying at the house with her, but i needed to make sure she had all her snacks, food and toys ready for whenever she needed them. The thought of leaving her for a whole week scared me.

Derek suggested 2 weeks but i couldn't leave her home for that long, so we compromised on a week. Although i really would miss her. I needed some time away, to relax and spend time with my husband. Alone.

I was more excited for everything after the wedding than the actual event, but it would be nice to have all our family and friends in one place.

At the end of my last day for another 10 days i picked up ella and went home. Derek had late surgeries so i went to the store to stock up the cupboards for when we were away.

Unfortunately, i was stuck shopping late at night with a crying child, she was fine for the first fifteen minutes until she gets bored. "El please stop crying" i lifted her out the seat of the trolly, she cried into my shoulder while we walked up and down isles.

She eventually wore herself out and fell asleep. "Crap!" my phone started ringing and i silently prayed it wouldn't wake her up, luckily it didn't, i picked up and saw lexie's name flash across the screen.
"Hey mer where are you?"
"lex i'm shopping where are you?"
"i'm in your living room"
"huh?"
"derek let me in, i came earlier"
"oh why is everything okay?"
"yes of course, i just wanted to make sure you didn't pull anything funny and run away with my niece"
"nope, i'll be home soon, does derek need me to pick up dinner?"
"no he's making chicken"
"ok tell him i'll be back soon"
"see you in a bit"
"bye lexie"
I hung up and put my phone in my bag.

Half an hour later, i pulled into the driveway, derek came out to help me with the bags. "I'll go put her into bed and then come down" i gently lifted her out of the car seat.

Once she was asleep i came down just in time for dinner. "Lexie" i hugged her tightly, "mer you look great, we just need to make sure your perfect for the big day" she gushed, i forced a smile and made eyes at derek, who knew exactly how much i hated all the 'prepping'.

We ate dinner and talked, i started to feel better about the wedding day. It would be overwhelming but i would be around people i love.

Most importantly i would be around my 'husband' and daughter.

hey so the next chapter will probably be the day before the wedding and then the actual wedding so i'll try and update soon :)) (also idk if you can tell by words like 'trolly' and the way i spell 'mum, mummy' ect. but i'm british so we spell things differently idek why tbh)

anyway.. have a good day!