love you always

im fine

The past few days had been weird, Derek treated me like i was made of glass. He was carful around me, like he was tiptoeing over egg shells. We hadn't really talked about it. "Good morning" he kissed me "mmhm" i groaned, not wanting to get up. "I'll get Ella up, you get ready" he said before getting out of bed.

When we got in the car we didn't talk, there was some sad sort of tension in the air. "Hey so do you want to spend some time together later, i can pick up takeout and we can watch a movie" he asked me, "yeah okay" i replied. "You sure you're okay?" he questioned, "Derek stop asking me if i'm okay you know i'm fine, i'm your girlfriend, you don't have to babysit me" i snapped back, regretting my harsh words i apologised, "Derek, i'm sorry i know you care about me, i just don't like being treated like a child, you know that" i sighed, he didn't say anything to me. Silence filled the rest of the journey.

"Okay so i'll take her up to daycare and see you later okay?" i told him "sure" he kissed me on the cheek. He was obviously mad, but didn't show any emotion towards me. I walked up to daycare and kissed my daughter goodbye, and got to work.

4 patients later, i was met by Ella and Derek in the lobby, "Hey how are my two favourite people" i said kissing Ella on the cheek, before i moved to Derek, he moved away "let's go home" he said, not giving anything away. All too soon i was back in the silent car.

We got home and ate dinner, which ended up being frozen pizza. Once i put Ella down i walked into the living room, sitting next to Derek. "Talk to me" i practically begged, "how can you be so okay" he asked, anger and hurt evident in his voice. "What are you talking about?" i asked "Meredith you had a miscarriage a week ago how are you suddenly okay, how are you not effected by it, you act like you don't even care" he started to raise his voice "i'm not okay, i hate this just as much as you do, i want to move on, i don't want to think about the fact that i lost my second baby, the thing women are biologically meant to be able to do, i cant!" i raised mine back. I was surprised we hadn't woken our sleeping daughter already "you can't keep acting like it never happened, it did and it's shit and i hate it, but you don't get to ignore it, you don't get to shut me down for worrying about you, because i do, i care about you, and i love you" he shouted, that was enough to make me break down, i collapsed onto the floor, and cried, Derek sat next to me, pulling me onto him, his hand in my hair and on my back, supporting me. I could barley breathe i cried so hard, that was until i heard a wailing from the baby monitor. Derek got up, kissed me and ran upstairs. Once she had stopped crying he came back downstairs and sat with me. "Meredith, don't push me away, don't act like you're fine when your not, i want to help you" he pulled me close into his embrace. "I'm sorry" i whispered, "what for?" he asked, "for everything, and i'm sorry about the baby" i replied quietly. "Hey, it wasn't your fault, none of it had anything to do with you, it happens, it's awful, but it's life". I drifted off on the sofa.

I woke up, but it was still dark outside, i checked my phone and it was 1am. I woke Derek up and we walked to bed.

The argument wasn't pleasant, but we needed to talk, and we did, there was no tension between us now, we were slowly picking ourselves back up.

Hey so this isn't very long but i just had shorter online lessons today, so i decided to write a bit. I might do a bit of a time jump in the next few chapters, i have some ideas. Also feel free to make requests if you want more specific scenes, romance, family, medical.