love you always

room service

We got into a cab and about 20 minutes later arrived at a fancy looking hotel, and we walked in wheeling our bags across the marble floor and went to our room. Derek unlocked the door and pulled me in, i squealed and giggled and he picked me up and kissed me, and we stumbled over to a couch by a huge glass window over looking the sea, it was stunning but i didn't see much of it before he placed me on the sofa and pulled my top over my head and took off my sweatpants, i took off his shirt and unbuckled his belt, a few seconds later he was in me, moving slowly to begin with, he kissed my neck and pushed his hand through my hair.

We both finished and i suddenly, unexpectedly blurted out 3 words, "i. love. you." i said soft and breathy. I didn't mean to say it but it was true, i hadn't known him long but i loved him, i. loved. him. I sat up from my current position, which was laying on his chest. I propped my arm up against a cushion and he looked deep into my eyes, he smiled and said "i love you too." I felt a huge rush of relief and happiness, he loves me. Derek Christopher Shepherd, loves me. I kissed him and he stroked my hair, the smile never leaving his face.

We eventually got up and off the sofa because we wanted to watch the sunset on the beach. I wore a short white sundress and i was freezing, before i knew it, Derek was wrapping me in his jacket and put his arms around me and looked forward at the sun going down, we sat on the soft white sand for 30 minutes before we slowly walked back to the hotel and got back to our room. We were both exhausted so we ordered room service and sat on the bed and ate it whilst watching tv. We talked for hours and hours, we were lying down on our backs with our legs pointing towards the pillows and we turned our heads to look at each other. I could stare at his blue eyes forever and not get bored. We gazed at each other and i surprised us both by saying "do you want kids?" and he smiled at me "yes, someday, with the right person" i felt butterflies in my stomach and i said "yeah, me too." I felt his hand hold mine and i had a sudden flashback to when i was 18.

I was dating this guy Noah and we slept together a lot, our parents were both absent most of the time. I woke up one morning and had the sudden urge to vomit, i ran to the toilet and threw up. I suddenly realised, i was 7 days late. I panicked and bought a test, it was the longest 2 minutes of my life and my timer went off and the plastic stick read "PREGNANT". I was devastated and most worried about what my workaholic mother would have to say about it. When i told Noah he asked me to run away with him, i was so sick and tired of having no choice or say in what i did, where i would go to university, so i said yes. 2 days before we were meant to leave i suddenly felt a sharp pain and blood spread down my thighs, i had a miscarriage. I went to the gynaecologist and they told me i had a hostile uterus, which was why i miscarried, and that it was harder for me to get pregnant, and that even if i did, it would be difficult for me to carry the baby. Noah and i fought for weeks after that and things got so bad, we broke up and after him, i swore i wouldn't let myself fall in love, just to have my heart broken again. It was the hardest and most loneliest thing, loosing a baby, and even harder knowing she might never get to have a baby.

I had completely zoned out and Derek was saying "Meredith, Mer, Mer" trying time get my attention. I was completely unaware tears were streaming down my cheeks and he sat up and pulled me into his chest and i started sobbing, he held me until my breathing slowed, and i stopped crying. He asked why i was crying and i wanted him to know, so he wouldn't be disappointed when he found out i probably couldn't even get pregnant. "I have a hostile uterus" he looked at me puzzled, not letting me go. "When i was 18 i got pregnant, and a few days later i had a miscarriage, the OB told me i have a hostile uterus and it would be hard for me to ever get pregnant and carry a baby." I was worried for his reaction but instead he held me even tighter and whispered "if it comes to it, in the future if we ever want kids, we can adopt or get a surrogate" he reassuringly ran his hand through my hair and i pulled away, looked up at him and whispered "thank you."

this was kind of sad sorry :(