love you always

reminiscing

A couple days had past since our date, and Derek and i were closer than ever. It's odd, you never realise how much time you are able to spend with a person without getting sick of them. I traveled Europe with my ex best friend sadie, which was a big mistake. We spent so long together we would get sick of one another, and it pulled us apart, that wasn't the whole reason we're not friends anymore...

"What's are you thinking about" Derek asked me, we were sat eating lunch. Carolyn had just left and we were spending time as a family, just the three of us. "Nothing" i smiled, for some reason i was angry at sadie, i guess i hadn't thought about it, and we'd not talked since our last night in Europe. "Mer", Derek asked this time sounding more concerned "i'm just thinking about my ex best friend" he looked puzzled "ex?, why ex, did you guys fall out?" i nodded "something like that" i went back to eating my sandwich "who was it" he asked "her name was sadie, sadie harris" i replied, not giving too much away "why did you fall out" i didn't know what to tell him "that's a long story". "We have time to kill, tell me" he started getting impatient "you really want to know" i asked, he nodded "okay, well, we were best friends through med school, and after we went to Europe, to travel, see the world a bit, and we spent every second of every day together, when we weren't sleeping our way through European men and women, sadie preferred women, and i knew that, but i didn't know she was interested in me" Derek started to look shocked "she was your girlfriend?" he asked "no, well, just let me finish" he nodded "anyway, one morning after we had been out drinking, and sleeping with people she suggested something, well asked me something, she told me she had feelings for me, i didn't like her back, but it was Europe, i wanted to be adventurous, so we slept together, and it was weird, she was my best friend, she was more like a sister, anyway i started crying in the middle of..." Derek shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not really wanting to hear the intimate details. "I realised i didn't want it, when it was too late, we went our separate ways and haven't spoken since" deep down i am still kind of sad i lost my best friend, i had cristina now, who i loved, but sadie was a huge part of my life once.

The only part Derek seemed to take away from that story was i had slept with quite a few people. "How many people have you slept with, men and women?" it took me a minute to even estimate the number of people i had drunken mistakes with. "I don't count Derek do you?" he almost seemed angry "i didn't need to count mine the number is small, i don't really do one night stands, i like to know the person, i sleep with people i love" confused by his statement i asked "we got together through a one night stand?", "that wasn't ever something i did, you just happened to make me feel different". I smiled at him "well thank you, you make me feel different too" he smiled "so take a guess, how many people", "oh my god derek let it go, i was a little slutty but who isn't!". I sighed, not wanting to hurt his feelings "I was a whore but i've changed" we both laughed "hey you were supposed to say, no meredith you're not a whore" i giggled. "Maybe 30" came spilling out my mouth, it sounded better in my head "30! 30 people", "you don't get to judge me, besides doesnt everyone sleep around".

Later that night, we lay in bed taking about our experiences with other people, it was slightly uncomfortable at first but now it was just funny. "When did you loose your virginity?" he asked me, a question not many people had ever asked me, not since high school "uhhh i was 15, it was with some guy i hardly knew, paul, he was awful, he came and then rolled over and fell asleep" i laughed "what about you" i looked up at him "i was 17, it was with my girlfriend at the time, audrey, it wasn't bad but no where near as good as now" he said, i replied "i didn't have an orgasm with any guy until i was 18, i didn't even know sex could feel amazing, i guess i just hooked up with bad guys" i said, he looked confused "you said with a guy, did you have better sex with girls?" he questioned "well i had my first experience with a girl when i was 17, but i had an excellent vibrator all through high school" i laughed so hard my eyes started to water, every single detail he knew about me, didn't worry me, it didn't make me think he was going to walk out, it made us stronger. "It's late" he yawned "yeah, i'm finally going back tomorrow" i smiled. "Goodnight mer" he kissed me as i fell asleep in his arms.

I really don't know what the point of this chapter was but i wanted to talk about Europe bc i always thought something happened between sadie and meredith. Anyway have a good day <3